It's that sex move you've always wanted to try but haven't had the guts to ask about (or Google) until now. We've talked to the sexperts, and we're finally ready to dispel the "mystique" that remains about back door sex. Yes, we're talking about anal, and we promise that it really isn't as scary or painful as it sounds. In fact, with the right position, some couples swear by it.

As the saying goes, prime real estate is all about location, location, location. The same principle applies to anal sex. It's all about position, position, position. And don't forget the lube — lots and lots of slippery lube to make your first time more enjoyable.

Our saucy sexperts say these beginner anal sex positions are the perfect fit:

1. Cowgirl (or cowboy) 

In the traditional cowgirl position, your partner lies down while you mount on top — yeehaw! As the partner on top, you can ease into anal penetration by moving up or down as needed. Pro tip: Make sure your bottom partner does not begin to thrust until you're good and ready.

Certified Master Sex Expert and Educator, Sex Coach and "So Tight" Sensual Fitness Personal Trainer Nikki Ransom endorses the cowgirl position for anal newbies. She explains, "This position will allow you to control the pace and depth that his penis goes inside of you. Remember to go at an easy pace and stay relaxed. It helps to have had an orgasm already and be highly aroused."

More: QUIZ: What kind of masturbator are you?

Jessica O’Reilly (a.k.a. Dr. Jess, Ph.D.), author, international speaker and PlayboyTV's sexologist, offers an alternative to the cowgirl in her book The New Sex Bible, "If she doesn’t like the sensation of deep penetration, but he desires more stimulation against the base of his shaft, she can reach backwards with a warm, wet hand to grasp the lower half of his shaft. Her hand becomes an extension of her butt while providing a physical buffer to ensure only shallow penetration."

2. Doggy style

This position is most often associated with anal because it has major advantages. As the partner on the bottom, you can stay loose as you control penetration to increase pleasure. Getting busy on all fours may be your best bet if you have attempted and found anal painful in the past.

Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Designer Relationships, Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality, recommend doggy style for first-timers and those who may have had an unpleasant experience before. The couple says, "Anal sex should never be painful. Always use plenty of lube and proceed slowly and gently." Ransom adds, "Rub and stimulate your clitoris too to make it even more pleasurable."

In The New Sex Bible, Dr. Jess has a different take on doggy-style anal sex. She recommends the modified doggy to give the receptive partner more control, support intimacy and provide the opportunity for double penetration. Dr. Jess explains, "She assumes a kneeling position with her butt cheeks on her heels and her knees spread wide open. She places her hands on her knees or the bed for support. He assumes the same position behind her and adjusts his height so that the head of his [penis] rests below her bum. He remains static as she lowers herself onto his head and takes a few deep breaths before sliding farther down his shaft. She drives her butt and hips up and down at her own pace as he reaches around to fondle her breasts or rub her clitoris."

3. Face to face

This position is preferred if you are looking for extra intimacy during the act. Start with your partner sitting as you mount his lap, face-to-face. Once again — as the partner on top, you can control depth of penetration to stay comfy. Face-to-face anal has the added bonus of extra stimulation for a woman:  breasts, clitoris, go crazy!

Johnson and Michaels love face-to-face anal for the toe-tingling intimacy it provides. They confirm, "This position facilitates using eye contact and breath to build even more arousal."

More: Sex positions for mind-blowing orgasms

Dr. Jess agrees. She says, "I like this position as it allows the 'mounter' to exercise a good amount of control of the depth and rhythm of penetration. Wear a vibrating c*** ring for this one to provide extra pleasurable sensations as the top partner grinds against his shaft."

Next Up: Good old missionary with a twist

4. Good old missionary with a twist

When it comes to anal, missionary will never steer you wrong. Approach this favorite vanilla sex position with a backdoor twist: In the missionary position, place your legs on his shoulders. With the right amount of lube and relaxation, even initial penetration should be pleasurable.

Missionary is easy-peasy for most maiden voyages, but Johnson and Michaels caution that this anal move may not work for everyone, "Some people may not be sufficiently flexible for this position." For those who are flexible and looking to try new things, Dr. Jess explains her take on missionary, "Better yet, place the soles of your feet against his shoulders so that you can push back and release according to your preferences."

5. On the stomach

Anal on the stomach is comfortable and easy, with the right prep work beforehand. First-timers can relax and make penetration enjoyable by lying on top of a pillow placed under the stomach. For women, this elevates the backside nicely and still gives enough room to stimulate other body parts.

Johnson and Michaels recommend incorporating sex toys into the act to keep things interesting, "This is a great position for stimulating your own clitoris or using a vibrator."

Because of the opportunity for sex toy play, Dr. Jess adds that on-the-stomach anal can be especially favorable to the ladies. She says, "This is one of the best anal sex positions for women (as the receptive partner), as she can reach down to stimulate her pubic mound and clitoral shaft with her hand or a flat vibrator (try the We-Vibe Touch). The dual stimulation helps to increase arousal, which heightens relaxation to create a cascade of orgasmic sensations."

6. Spooning, with a twist

We are all familiar with spooning for some great side-by-side action. Spooning is also a top choice for anal since both partners are more likely to be relaxed. As the "little spoon," you can make penetration easier by curling up and pulling your upper legs slightly toward your upper body. And while you're at it, here's a naughty little secret to double your pleasure — use a vibrator to get to the finish line.

According to Dr. Jess, spooning is the perfect first-time anal position for lovers. Johnson and Michaels add a helpful tip from their own bedroom experience, "You can give your partner a better view of the action by holding your upper leg just below the knee and opening up."

More: Sex positions for the car

Ransom also believes that spooning is ideal for a pleasurable beginner anal experience. "This is a great position to stay relaxed in. It also allows for clitoral stimulation and vaginal stimulation for a trigasm." She advises, "Stay relaxed — your partner should enter you an inch at a time. Then, allow your anus to become accustomed and relax around his penis. Then [he can] enter you another inch and another, and continue until he is all the way in. Be sure to have plenty of lubrication with any anal penetration."

Originally published Jan. 2015. Updated July 2016.

Women have long had a complicated relationship with porn. As with most other things in our cultural universe, mainstream porn was built for the male gaze. Lucky for us, women are recreating the industry from the ground up, and the female gaze is now a thing in porn — and a very good thing at that.

There is still a reigning myth that men are the ones who are über-horny, visually-stimulated and can’t keep it in their pants. The corollary is that women (especially “good girls”) wait around to endure sex instead of enjoying it. (Thanks, Madonna-whore complex.)

More: You need to know a thing or two about squirting

The truth turns out to be almost the polar opposite — studies have shown that women are probably the hornier gender, and yes, we are visually stimulated, too. So why has it taken this long for women to make their own porn?

A bit of history

In the 1970s, Andrea Dworkin and groups like Women Against Pornography argued that porn was de facto bad for women — not just the women who performed in it, but all women. These anti-porn activists reasoned that watching porn would encourage men to objectify and harm women.

Pro-sex feminists like my friend Annie Sprinkle countered those narratives. Annie’s good friend Candida Royalle (who passed away last year) was the first feminist porn director, and Annie was one of the original feminist porn stars. Annie went on to become a renowned performance artist, feminist icon and eco-sex activist (and just all around amazing person).

We’ve come quite far in the intervening decades — women are claiming their own sexual space and figuring out how to be the subjects of our sex lives — not merely the objects of male fantasy.

According to a 2015 survey, at least 1 in 3 women watch porn. And it’s totally about us — because we mostly watch it alone. But are we finding what we’re looking for when we cue up PornHub? Not likely.

Feminist porn fills that gap and fills it in the most tantalizing way. Note that if you’re seeking high-quality porn that won’t make you feel weird about your body shape (or your desires), you might have to pay for it. These sites have firewalls. Trust me — it’s worth it. Until I found feminist porn, I thought I had no interest in porn at all. (I was totally wrong.)

More: Everyone is a little sexually fluid, including you

The essential difference between feminist porn and mainstream porn is that in feminist porn, the performers have an agency. According to the Feminist Porn Awards, the basic requirement for a film to be considered feminist is ethics. Are the working conditions fair? Was anyone exploited in the making of the film? If yes, it’s not feminist porn.

Feminist porn is LGBT-friendly, but if straight porn is what gets you off, don’t worry — there’s plenty of hot cis straight sex and sizzlingly hot guys. Also important to note, just because feminist porn is feminist doesn’t mean your boyfriend won’t like it — it can be just as appealing for men. Your dude may not have even known there was more to porn than the mainstream fare, and his tastes might just grow (along with his erection).

Feminist porn tends to favor high production values, body versatility (not just a bunch of triple-D blondes sans pubic hair) and an erotic sensibility that’s far sexier than traditional porn. Feminist porn speaks to a woman’s desires while acknowledging that we all like different things. There is plenty of erotic diversity under the feminist porn umbrella — if there’s something you think you might want to see, it’s most likely out there. You can stream and download most of the films on these sites and almost all of them have mobile-friendly content.

What to watch

1. Erika Lust is a pioneer in feminist porn. She first started making her own films in 2005. LustCinema showcases her own artful, edgy films and a few other top feminist porn directors, including Tristan Taormino and Venus Hottentot.
2. Want to have your own fantasies acted out on screen? Lust has an app for that — a seriously sexy site called Xconfessions, where you can submit your fantasies for potential reenactment in a short film.
3. The tagline for PinkLabel is “porn with good taste,” and it delivers on that account. This site allows you to register for free, search their on-demand streaming options and then pay per movie. Many of the films available here are top picks at the Feminist Porn Awards.
4. Madison Young is a feminist porn director, actor, performance artist, writer and teacher (not to mention a mom). You can search for her work on the aforementioned PinkLabel.
5. Courtney Trouble started Indie Porn Revolution, a body-diverse, tattoo-heavy place for porn. It calls itself a home for “ladies, artists and queers,” and it’s been online since 2002.
6. MakeLoveNotPorn.com is the first user-submitted porn site. It was created by Cindy Gallop, who was inspired by dating men in their 20s (she was in her early 50s at the time). She quickly realized there was a big problem — her millennial lovers were overly influenced by porn — performing in bed instead of being present in bed. She created her site (still in beta) to address the saturation of male gaze-dominated porn and its effect on our real-world sex lives.
7. BeautifulAgony (no firewall) is another user-generated site dedicated to the art of the orgasm. You won’t see genital penetration here, but you will see people’s faces as they’re getting off. If you click on the thumbnails you can watch a longer video of the entire session — some are solo and some are with partners (but they’re all pretty damn hot).

And that's just the tip of the proverbial feminist porn iceberg. Happy exploring!

More: 68 sex positions to try before you die

For the mushy, gooey, nurturing Cancer, only one sex position truly matters — cuddling. Crabs are the Olympic champions of (non-sexual) spooning, deliciously long hugging and gently stroking whatever hurts (both in body and soul.)

Speaking of mushy and gooey, waking up with chocolate chip cookie crumbs between your thighs is highly likely. This sign gets off on eating in bed — sometimes directly off their partner’s body.

A Cancer in ecstasy is a Cancer licking whipped cream or chocolate sauce off of someone’s belly or having it licked it off of their own. This sign rules the stomach and the breasts, and these body parts must be part of the overall Cancerian sexual experience — which in itself is like a five-course meal in a four-star restaurant. (More on the breasts in a bit.)

Before you get to the crumbs-in-bed stage, there is the wooing stage, and for the security-oriented Cancer, this can take a bit of time. This is not the sign that typically jumps into bed. An emotional water sign, Cancers need to listen to their gut before listening to the call of their genitals. This cannot be rushed. But the payoff always exceeds expectations for their partners, as Cancers live to please.

Even if you’ve Tinder-swiped someone, Cancers must meet up for some kind of food — just a drink or a coffee won’t really cut it. Grab tacos from a food truck and sit on a bench if you don’t want to do anything formal — but you should eat.

If things seem to be headed in the right direction, you might start with a make-out session... and then a longer make-out session. All the while, Cancers measure and evaluate the shape of their potential paramour's soul, making sure it's safe to share their bodies. In fact, because Cancers have mommy issues (more on that later), some of them are orally fixated and particularly adept at kissing. They do this slowly and passionately while exploring every corner of their (lucky) partner’s mouths.

Back to breasts, Cancers like to get to second base on the first date. There will nipple-biting, and you might even have your first breast-gasm. (This is a thing.) Cancers: don't be afraid to tell your partner that this is your favorite kind of foreplay. In fact, if you meet someone in a casual setting and they cannot help but look at your breasts, you might be offended. But if you find out this person is a Cancer, they actually have a good excuse — they can’t help it.

Another wonderful gift of the Cancer lover is that they love a bit of extra flesh. Curves are a turn-on —Cancers will never ask you to go on a diet. Instead, the Cancer MO is to fatten their partners up like Thanksgiving turkey — to have more to love.

Cancers are obsessed with being home — usually their own home, but partner's places will do in a pinch. They are the sign that can spend 24 hours at home without going outside as long as there is enough food. The best date for a Cancer is one that starts with a home-cooked meal with sex for dessert, then actual dessert (in bed), then more sex for breakfast, then actual breakfast (in bed), then maybe some sleeping and more sex, only to start the whole cycle over again until you both need to go to Whole Foods and re-stock the larder.

Cancer is the sign associated with mothers and mothering, and gender is unimportant in this context. Cancers mother the hell out of their lovers, sometimes to the point of smothering. Cancers make the soup, ask for the proverbial "I got home safe" text and fix things around the house. And there is no sign that asks "Are you OK?" more often during sex.

Security is paramount for Cancers, but it's not because they're insecure. Rather, Cancers know how much they're willing to dedicate to a relationship (even a simple FWB arrangement), and they just want to make sure that their partner is up for an equally strong commitment to whatever it is you're building.

Cancers are ruled by the moon, hence their reputation for moodiness. Crabs pick up on other people's vibes, too, and have to fight hard not to take other people's emotions as their own. The cure for any Cancerian sadness or anxiety is a little bit of moonlight. Sex outside under a full moon is a completely out-of-body experience (for both parties).

Next: Five sex positions all Cancers should try

1. 69

The most obvious Cancer sex position is 69 for two important reasons. First of all, it mimics the shape of a crab, which is the Cancerian symbol. But second (and probably more important) it involves eating.

2. Missionary

Face-to-face, heart-to-heart, breast-to-breast, stomach-to-stomach. A Cancer who gets to peer into your eyes during sex is a very, very happy Cancer.

3. Spooning (with penetration)

Close, connected and cuddly, this romantic sex-position hits the Cancer's sweet spot. The Cancer loves this position from behind or in front. With hands on breasts or belly, it’s pure ecstasy.

4. The vulgar term is titty-fucking, but let’s just call it breast sex

Lubing up for this one is even better, and either partner can be on top.

5. Straight-up oral

As long as the Cancer gets to enjoy dessert, he or she will be quite satisfied.

To sum up, Cancers are the yummiest, dreamiest, cuddliest sign of all. Their lovers want to keep them around for a long, long time.

More: Sex positions for Geminis

While there's nothing wrong with classic missionary, there's something to be said for mixing things up. Beyond the basics, like doggie-style and missionary, these creative and kinda dirty positions can help you lose your inhibitions and remind you why it feels good to be a little freaky.

Surprise your partner with one of these sexy sex moves, and you'll see what we're talking about:

1. Inverted Missionary

Missionary is the most common and easiest of all of the sex positions; the guy simply climbs on top and voila! If you're looking to spice up a classic, however, try the inverted missionary position.

More: 20 sext messages no one is disappointed to receive

How to do it: With the man lying flat on his back, the woman sits on top of him, facing his feet. After he inserts the penis, the woman slowly leans forward, resting her weight on her hands and pushing her legs backward toward the man's head.

2. Froggie Style

As you might have guessed, froggie style is similar to doggie style; however, instead of crouching on all fours, you squat like a frog, ready to jump.

How to do it: The woman squats like a frog on the floor, with her head tilted forward and most of her weight resting on her legs. The man then kneels in back of her and enters from behind.

3. The Yogi

The yogi position is best described as an upside-down doggie-style position, and is perfect for any woman who has ever felt claustrophobic having her head smushed into a pile of pillows.

How to do it: The woman lies down on the floor or another firm surface, slowly arches her back and pushes off the floor with her hands, mimicking the wheelbarrow yoga position. The man then enters from a kneeling position between her legs.

Next Up: The Lap Dance

4. The Lap Dance

Treat your man to a very special lap dance with this easy-to-do position.

More: Hot, hot, hot woman-in-charge sex positions

How to do it: The man sits on the edge of a bed or couch with his hands behind him for support, with the woman sitting on top of him with her body facing away from his. The man then enters from below.

5. The Cowpoke

Blame it on those Stetson ads, but there's something about a cowboy that's undeniably sexy (especially if he's Tom Brady.) Cowboy hats and spurs are optional for this position, but don't let that stop you from yelling out "Giddy up!"

More: 6 anal sex positions for the first-timer

How to do it: The man lies on his back, pulling his legs towards his chest. The woman then squats on top of him, facing away from his face and resting on the back of his legs.

6. The Circus Freak

The position is aptly named because mastering it requires a freakish amount of flexibility.

How to do it: Both partners stand facing each other. The woman raises one leg straight above the man's shoulder, and he enters her while holding the leg for support.

Originally published Sep. 2009. Updated July 2016.

Everyone loves the romantic, chemistry-filled part of the relationship — it's the spark that initially brings to people together. But that's not what's going to keep you together for the long haul. Here are ten things to practice in a relationship if you want it to last.

1. Tune in to each other

Like a radio station, the frequency of your marriage should have a good, strong signal. The connection must be clear and transparent. Keep communicating with each other unambiguously. Be interested in what is going on in each other’s lives, ask for advice and share experiences.

More: I made out with my fiancé's friend on my bachelorette night

2. Have your own life

Each day, you both go to places where you interact with other people. You encounter, learn and observe life in different ways. It’s important to your personal and/or professional growth that you both have this opportunity to develop a passion or interest in a goal or aspiration that you strive for.

It’s these goals that will give you the unique ambition to be the best "you" that you can be. Offering your marriage the best of you maintains the quality of your lives together.

3. Distinguish the small stuff from the red flags

After getting to know each other over time, there are always little personal habits or behaviors which set the other off. Communicate how these things affect you and try to reach a compromise about how to manage or minimize them. They never really go away completely. At the end of the day, don’t sweat the small stuff. The small stuff is always tolerable — annoying, but tolerable. And no one is perfect.

Red flags are different. They are tiny warning flares that may start off as small stuff but when left unaddressed, fester into a full-blown chronic marriage cold sore. Red flags can prove to be fatal to marriages in the long run. In any case, the outcome is what it is. Stand there and deal, but don’t try to do it alone. Surround yourself with your most trusted networks. Tomorrow is still going to happen, so decide how and where you want to spend tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that.

4. Work as a team

All that you do in life should be geared toward an overall collective goal you share as soon as you said, “I do.” I liken the sharing of your lives together to baseball: Return all team members to home base for as many innings, as long as you both shall live. So at all times, help each other to do this.

This can range from picking up milk on the way home to caring for the other when he or she is sick. Helping each other reinforces and maintains a team mind-set. Believe in your goal and the path you both travel to achieve it.

When I was younger and not keen on helping her with the laundry, my mum always said, “Just give it a try first — complain later.” At the time, at every turn, I did the total opposite, and not surprisingly, it was a pretty slack effort. It wasn’t until I moved out on my own that I realized that I had needed her help way more than she had ever needed mine.

Remember that the goal was jointly set up to better your future together. So keep your eyes on the prize, don’t get distracted and don’t lose hope. Most importantly — never leave a team member behind.

More: Porn has been warping my perspective on what satisfying sex looks like

5. Be proactive

You may have heard of this before, but I have to reiterate the importance of it once again: MARRIAGE IS HARD WORK. Like a bird building a nest, you must gather everything you need to build it safe and sound. Think about planning to provide the nest’s needs to survive all weather conditions, especially the stormy strong winds, rain and hail.

Create boundaries and then contribute only things that serve to strengthen and protect it. Make sure you communicate regularly about the building process and what materials are needed. Foster a joint decision-making process. More often than not, one sole executive decision could possibly unravel all your hard work.

6. Be loyal

When you marry, you become a member of a team. Place loyalty to this team first and foremost. Back each other and frequently give regular pep talks reminding each other of your game plan. If you need to tweak it so that you can improve your team strategy, do so together with that sole purpose in mind. Of course, you may always be a supporter of other teams, but try not to tweak too much too often, as you run the risk of copying other teams and losing your own authentic team philosophy.

7. Eat at home

There is a common thought that it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. This is especially true in a marriage. There are always going to be tasty treats or temptations that you pass by every day, inhaling the mouth-watering aromas that waft past. It is only normal to appreciate the quality and appeal of such deliciousness. Don’t be weak and give in to temptation. Stay focused. Work up that appetite and thirst and take it home. Home is where the heart is.

8. Be privileged

To honor a life-long commitment to someone is no easy feat for anyone. Honor is the key word in every thought, word and deed. Feel privileged to have your marital status. There’s no badge needed or, dare I say, ring even. The status itself signifies your courage to share your life with someone else. It’s a big deal; never belittle it. No matter what happens, it’s a privilege.

9. Like one another

It’s always easy to say that you love someone, but the act of doing so, I believe, is in the concept of liking them. It’s way more difficult to keep liking someone as change over time always throws a wrench in the works. This concept is more transient, stilted and sometimes over even before it's fully begun.

Both of you have to work at keeping things fresh, vibrant and alive. Date nights and other creative fun and affectionate ways to spend time together are vital. Even at your low points, be thoughtful and considerate. Politely walk away from each other until such a time when you are likable again!

More: The three D's that could be the harbinger of doom for your relationship

10. Be responsible

Marriage is an institution that is deemed valid for people of certain age groups only. I assume this is in the hope that partners are fully capable of being responsible for all requirements needed to commit.

Accepting responsibility is a skill needed in all facets of life, and as you grow up, you grow together in building your marriage and family unit. Marriage is a selfless institution and one that favors those who claim and carry out their role with the best intentions. It also favors those who own up to their mistakes and aim to improve, although, ideally, not too many times!

This post was originally published on BlogHer.

If you drive down Highway 74 toward Jacksonville, North Carolina, you will see a tan stucco building with no windows and a set of double doors. The sign in the parking lot reads, "The Driftwood." Or sometimes, when the neon sign is broken, it will light up just "Wood." It's appropriate for a strip club and the innuendos are obviously limitless. But recently I noticed something different. Under it, in bold black lettering, it states Bridgette The Midget is performing — for a limited time, of course.

I, too, have dwarfism and as we drove by, my husband asked me if I'd ever been interested in going to see her.

I wondered, "Why in the world would he ask me this? Did he want to go to the strip club? Did his friends wonder if I knew her? Or, gasp! Did others ask my husband something far more personal? Did they wonder what it was like to be with a little person between the sheets?" This question isn't a foreign one. When my memoir, Dwarf: How One Woman Fought For A Body — and a Life — She Was Never Supposed To Have was released, Eric was asked by Allure magazine if he had a thing or fetish for little people. It was assumptive.

Truth is, no. He doesn't. But the question remains: What is sex like with a little person? Eric is 6 feet tall and strong, and his body is adept to endure the most grueling Marine Corps training. My body, on the other hand, is lucky to be able to put my socks on without a twinge, spasm or jolt. But our love life thrives. It's exciting. Why? Simple. I'm willing to step out of the box I used to hide within. I embrace my body type confidently and I feel safe with my husband. I say my opinion bluntly, sex with a little person is extremely fun. And for me, personally, it's also freeing.

More: My dwarfism made losing my virginity a battle against myself

A close friend of ours is obsessed with Comic-Con. "You'd look great dressed up as a Japanese Manga doll," he'd say. I tapped into that fantastical idea, channeled my inner Babydoll from the movie Sucker Punch and dressed up in a pleated skirt, tight shirt tied in the middle and long hair captured in pigtails — suddenly I no longer had dwarfism. I was simply just role-playing. Sure, role-playing was different for me at first, and even for my husband. We shared a few laughs and cracked a few jokes, but we were able to use that as a connection to bring us together and just let go. It didn't take long before I found it easy to play the part, perhaps better than someone of average size. And it doesn't have to be Japanese anime, either. What about a beautiful fairy with dramatic eyes and gorgeous makeup? Snag a set of Tinker Bell wings and voila! Without degrading myself with clichés, I have found ways to make my disability become my advantage.

Sex with a disability is nothing like what others imagine it to be. It's not gross. It's not extra-hard on the other person. And no, there isn't special prep work that must be done beforehand. Just because some parts of my body may not move the way an average woman's body moves does not mean we are lifeless, limp or boring. Quite the contrary. When you have a disability, sex really can't be boring. There's a constant need to adapt and overcome. And that certainly can make it exciting.

My husband often says to me he forgets I have a disability. He says this not because my body suddenly changes and becomes more capable between the sheets, though according to studies done by Professor Barry R. Komisaruk, Ph.D. at Rutgers University, an orgasm does raise one's pain threshold and can help those with leg pain move easier. Rather, it's because I'm unashamed of my body. I don't dwell on my disability.

More: What Tinder dating is like when you have a disability

You've heard Tim Gunn say it when it comes to fashion. Well, I'm saying it when it comes to sex. Forget using your disability as a crutch to hinder yourself. Make it work. I remember watching steamy romance scenes where the girl is on top doing her thang and feeling bad for myself that I couldn't function like that. It hurt to accept it. Then I got over it. Now, I'm not embarrassed or ashamed to admit I'm no Jenna Jameson. But, I don't want to be, either. I can please by doing other things in other ways.

It took me a long time to get here. My confidence wasn't born overnight and neither was my courage to talk about this. But if not me, who else? There was a time I shied away from even the thought of intimacy thanks to the silver screen. I didn't think I could please a man, let alone an astounding Marine. Oh, how wrong I was. It also took me a long time to realize this: Sex is much more than just, well, you know — in-and-out action. Sex is a concoction of confidence, creativity and communication. And that, anyone can do, regardless of body type.

So is the guy you're seeing just a placeholder? That's what you'll be wondering on Aug. 2 when you find yourself just not caring anymore. It's hard to say what drained the life out of this relationship. Maybe it was his inability to commit, your unwillingness to take "I don't know" for an answer or the dawning realization that you may have been involved in a one-night stand that went on several months longer than it should have. In any case, what began with a bang ends with a yawn. It's time for you to move on to greener pastures.

Next: Taurus horoscope

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Your ruling planet Venus enters Virgo on Aug. 5. Virgo is the "let there be some space in your togetherness" sign of the zodiac. Now, this doesn't mean that you and your lover are growing apart, but you will notice that your schedules will be a little out of sync over the next three and a half weeks. One of you may be traveling more or be preoccupied with other matters. It's a timely reminder that togetherness doesn't require self-sacrifice, nor is it based on losing yourself in the other person. Togetherness relies on the power and steadfastness of you as equally loving and separate individuals.

Next: Gemini horoscope

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The Mercury/Neptune opposition on Aug. 7 will bring out all of your "where is this relationship going?" anxieties. You'll want to know what he thinks, if he's serious about your future and when he's going to put a ring on it. Do yourself a favor. Grab the psychic remote and fast-forward. This isn't the right time for this kind of discussion — especially since you yourself don't even have a clear idea of what you want. Relationships have a life of their own despite our attempts to label them. Yours is doing a lot better than most people's, so let things unfold on their own.

Next: Cancer horoscope

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You might as well face it: You're just not that into him. It's hard to admit because he really does fit the criteria on paper. He's loyal and loving, and would probably make a great dad or stepdad. What it gets down to, unfortunately, is chemistry — the mysterious, ineffable thing that decides whether you two click or not. And right now it doesn't look like you'll be clicking any time soon. The practical side of you says that you should hold on and that you'll be sorry for letting him go, but the selfless part of you knows that it's for the best.

Next: Leo horoscope

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For the next three and a half weeks, you will be meeting men you wish you could fall in love with. They'll be funny, handsome and great to spend time with. Unfortunately, there will be certain complications. They could already be spoken for, not the marrying type or gay. But the goal isn't to demoralize you. The goal is to help you to make friends with guys again. By taking romance off the table, the stars are focused on helping you to rebuild that ease and comfort that's gone missing. This will put you back in the mindset for pursuing a relationship when you feel ready.

Next: Virgo horoscope

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Get your nose out of that list of household projects and talk to your stylist about a new haircut instead. Venus, the planet of love and beauty, will be in Virgo for the next three and a half weeks, and you don't want to miss out. Venus always brings a rise in the polls when she's traveling through your zodiac sign, so it's the perfect time to update your look. The other wonderful thing about Venus is you don't have to go looking for guys. They'll come looking for you. But be choosy. Just because it will be raining men doesn't mean every one's a catch.

Next: Libra horoscope

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Is it the men who are unavailable or is it you? It's a question worth asking during the time that Venus is traveling through the most self-reflective part of your solar chart (Aug. 5 through 29). This will allow you to play silent witness to yourself and to observe how you interact with men to whom you're attracted. It's almost like watching yourself on spy cam. You'll hear yourself say things you've always said and do things you've always done, but with a fresh perspective. This can do a lot to help you make different choices in the future. That is, if you want to.

Next: Scorpio horoscope

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You love to discover a diamond in the rough and then turn it into something resplendent. You'll do this with a pet project, a seemingly lost cause and even a lover. The first two are easy to direct, but the last can prove troublesome to shape and mold — especially when he starts to think and act for himself. But wasn't that the point all along? On Aug. 6 it's time to relinquish control of your "creation." Your success story is that you helped him to become everything that he can be. Your triumph will be in learning to love and honor him as an equal.

Next: Sagittarius horoscope

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On Aug. 2 Mars will enter Sagittarius for an eight-week stay. Mars is the planet of men in astrology so this will make you a veritable man magnet through Sept. 27. This is great news if you're single because the guys just won't leave you alone. However, it can be awkward if you're already spoken for because you will have to explain to your partner or spouse why you suddenly have so many new guys friending you on Facebook. But then again, it never hurts to remind your other half to keep an eye on the store because you're hot.

Next: Capricorn horoscope

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Romance isn't always about falling in love. Sometimes, it's about meeting someone who has an enormous impact on your life. Over the next few weeks, you will meet someone who will show you how rereading familiar signposts can point you in unexplored directions. It will be a powerful rethink of how you look at things. Then again, you could wind up playing this role for somebody else. In any case, this marks the beginning of a beautiful friendship, a creative collaboration or an exciting mentorship. There are different kinds of kindred spirits, and it looks like you just found one.

Next: Aquarius horoscope

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On Aug. 7 you discover that behind all the bluster and know-it-all posturing lies an insecure and needy child. You suspected this all along, but it's still nice to have proof. Most people would use this information to gain the upper hand and bring him to heel. You, however, will find this endearing. You're not a fan of big egos. The chest-thumping and endless recitation of accomplishments can get old quickly. However, introduce a little fallibility and some cracks in the façade and you're hooked. You like people who are real. That's what comes with being born under the most humanitarian sign of the zodiac.

Next: Pisces horoscope

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This week a loved one forces you to recognize a truth about yourself that you have been actively resisting. Now, it's not like you've never thought of this before; it's just that this is the week when the penny drops and you will finally see how you're the one who holds back or keeps postponing that step forward that you've been longing to make. It isn't easy being forced out of our comfort zones. Sometimes, it's the people who believe in us the most who are in the best position to push us out of our well-feathered nests so that we can fly.

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Blake Shelton has recently credited his relationship with Gwen Stefani for getting him through his divorce. While Blake and Gwen seem to have a great relationship that developed and grew that worked out for them, it is not necessary to have another relationship to feel better after a loss.

More: The Bachelorette: Men Tell All gets it wrong about love

Replacing one relationship with another isn't always such a good idea. The timing seems lucky for them, but it's important not to jump into a new relationship to replace the old one because it won't necessarily heal you after a breakup or divorce. It can be part of the healing process, but it is by no means a foolproof method.

So much emphasis on social media goes into whom is dating and marrying whom, but being single is really a time to understand yourself and prepared for future relationships. I understand that most people like to be with a partner and try to replace an old relationship with a new one as fast as they can, but there is nothing wrong with taking the time to learn about yourself as an individual instead of a couple.

More: Stop condemning celebs for deleting pics of their ex on social media

The time for healing after a relationship ends can be invaluable. Being alone is a great time to focus on individuality and self-care. It's a useful time to figure out what relationship patterns you need to shift for the next one. Being content without a relationship is much more valuable then always being in a relationship.

Yes, new relationships are exciting and fun — much more appealing than feeling sad and lonely — but as a marriage and family therapist, I would recommend learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings of being without relationship. You cannot heal or grow by ignoring negative feelings. It’s a time to put yourself first. Figure out what you want and what your values are after such a huge transition before you jump into a new relationship. It'll help the next time around be much more successful.

More: The Bachelorette overnight dates reveal a whole lotta loving going on

Quality time between the sheets with your significant other is often few and far between if your children are young. Sometimes it's painful, other times you're just too tired to get busy.

More: 7 sex positions for the car if you dare to try it

Blogger Mel Watts knows that feeling all too well. The self-described "tired mom" managed to get a quickie in with her husband and then posted about it on Facebook. It might sound like oversharing territory — and it kind of is — but fellow tired parents are giving her plenty of likes for her honesty.

"With one child at the neighbors and a baby asleep in the cot it seemed like a perfect opportunity," she wrote on Saturday of how they got the opportunity. "I mean I've been turning him down for long enough I actually felt bad. Knowing it was only going to take a few minutes and I'll have a day of any food I want to eat, listen to any music I want and an early night. Sounds delightful right?!"

"...I would hardly say it was romantic. I may have to admit it was quick and slightly obligated. I was definitely not prepared and thankful I was in my period undies (which have now become the daily undies), which have barely any elastic for quick removal. We picked who would be first to get up in case of 'Surprise I'm home' children turned up."

More: 6 freaky sex positions you haven't tried yet

Afterward, she took a few seconds for a "slight make-up fix and hair fix" to get rid of the sex evidence. She doesn't exactly make it sound like the most passionate sex in the world — nothing like the sweaty, passionate quickies we see in the movies — but it got the job done.

And her husband looks pretty happy about it, too.

"I'm not normally your day-time quickie kinda person, but today I thought the amount of effort he has put into every sexual advance it would just be plain mean of me," she continued. "Now I sit here in my pjs eating a block of chocolate watching a movie knowing I can go to bed without feeling bad.

Sting started it, at least according to the Internet. Nowadays, because of a little comment Sting made about his sex life with his wife Trudie decades ago, we most often associate the ancient practice of tantric sex with this rock legend. And if the rumors are any indication, most people believe Sting and Trudie are going at it, aka practicing the art of slow tantric love-making, for a minimum of five hours a day.

Thankfully, Trudie has gone on record to say that the marathon sex myth is just that — a myth — but that still leaves us with plenty of questions about this hot style of sex. To get to the heart of what tantric sex actually means, we caught up with Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy and Heighten Pleasure, who schooled us in the ways of the tantra — and how regular women (yep, that's you!) can get the most out of their sex lives using tantric techniques.

More: How Tantra techniques can up your intimacy game

How Sting got it wrong

If you take away nothing else from this story, remember that the 5,000-year-old Eastern spiritual practice of tantric sex does not mean that you have to make love for hours. Instead, enlightenment and having a reverence for your partner that lasts beyond the length of any orgasm is at the core of the teachings, Michaels and Johnson say.

More: 4 Kinky handcuff sex positions for your bedroom bucket list

"It's funny that a comment Sting made over 20 years ago still has an enduring hold on the public's imagination," the couple says. "He's tried to explain it away or recant it in various ways. At one point, he said that he regretted making the statement and didn't really feel he could talk about the subject beyond saying that his wife, Trudy, is his church. That's much closer to what the spirit of tantric sex is all about."

"In the classical sexual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities. We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It's certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power."

Next Up: How you can feel pleasure longer

But in tantric sex, you can feel pleasure longer...

"That said, prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition," Michaels and Johnson say. "The tantrics of old recognized that orgasm can be a mystical experience, often the most readily accessible mystical experience of all. During orgasm, the mind goes quiet, and you may feel a sense of merger — be it with a partner or even with all that is.

More: Sex positions that are better with a blindfold

For most of us, the transcendent potential in sex is something that's experienced only briefly, during the orgasm itself. If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include genital intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an orgasm, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you're likely to experience the altered state of consciousness we just described."

How to incorporate elements of tantric sex into your own bedroom:

1. Focus on your breathing and your (and your partner's) reaction to touch

"It's fairly common for people to check out during sex, to do things by rote and without a whole lot of reflection. Paying attention to what you're experiencing in your body, the way you are breathing and how your partner is responding are all very important," the couple says.

2. Give and receive with kisses

"To take this a step further, people tend to interact sexually based on a set of tacit understandings: Basically, I'll do you for a while, and then you can do me, and if we're lucky, we'll both have a good experience," Michaels and Johnson say.

"We encourage people to separate giving and receiving in a very methodical way. For example, it's great to experiment with giving and receiving kisses. Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you're kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you're receiving, surrender to the experience completely."

Next Up: The 60-minute massage

3. Take 60 minutes and give each other a massage but no sex yet!

"Set aside an hour or so to give and receive full body massages (culminating with genital stimulation but not intercourse). Do this on different days. As with the kissing exercise, the role of the giver is to give as fully as possible, and the role of the receiver is simply to receive. Taking this activity out of the realm of foreplay and keeping the roles clearly defined may help you discover new sources of pleasure, and may also give you new insights into the way you interact with your partner both in and out of bed."

4. Break a taboo by just talking about sex

"Many traditional tantric practices involved breaking cultural taboos, and there were many in medieval India," the couple says. "This was true both in the context of sexual ritual and more generally. In the simplest terms, the violation of these cultural norms had a liberating effect. Of course, we don't live in a society that has such clearly defined social rules, but we all have our own self-imposed limitations and our habitual ways of being, in lovemaking and more generally in life. If you can shed some of your inhibitions, you're likely to experience more pleasure. Talking frankly about sex is a big taboo for many, so for many, having frequent and explicit conversations about sex is a great first step."

More: Sex positions for the shower

5. Explore a personal sexual taboo together

"If you want to get a little bolder, you can identify a couple of personal taboos (you can also do this as a couple by identifying shared taboos), and then decide on one that you might be interested in breaking," Michaels and Johnson say. "Don't pick anything huge at first; it might just mean making love with the lights on or experimenting with light bondage, sensory deprivation or role-play. The purpose is to become more flexible and aware and to be less limited by preconceived ideas about yourself. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of a lot of pleasure by thinking, 'I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy that.'"

Originally published Jan. 2013. Updated Aug. 2016.

These blindfold-friendly sex positions are Fifty Shades of Awesome. Thanks to super-popular books like Fifty Shades of Grey — and the hotness that is a blindfolded Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 Weeks — most of us are more than ready to incorporate some new props in bed.

"Blindfolds are the number one bedroom prop for good reason," says Jessica O'Reilly, Ph.D., author of The New Sex Bible. "The sensory deprivation you experience when you eliminate the sense of sight only heightens the perception of other senses, making every touch and every whisper all the more titillating. But blindfolds are also popular as a tool to reduce inhibitions and reduce performance pressure. By blindfolding your lover, you can let loose and forget about any self-consciousness that might interfere with pleasure."

There's another perk, too: "Sex play that incorporates a blindfold can also help to shift the power differential in a relationship," says clinical sexologist and relationship therapist Kat Van Kirk. "If the guy is the one to usually initiate, it can be a great way to allow her to take the reins and control the action."

Below are four sex positions that are even better with a blindfold. Start practicing your double knot now.

1. The Private Dancer

How you do it: Think of this position as the best, most straight-to-the-point lap dance ever. Ready? Now blindfold him. "He sits on the edge of a couch and she stands in front of him [facing away from him]," O'Reilly says. "With her feet (preferably in heels) on the floor, she squats down over his entire length, allowing her body weight to rest in his lap for the ultimate in deep penetration. She leans into him on the upstroke for full-body contact, but bends forward on the downstroke to press his bulging head into her swollen G-spot. She can tug on the blindfold depending on how much she wants him to see."

More: 68 sex positions to try before you die

Why it's especially awesome with a blindfold: "This position gives her ultimate control of pace, rhythm and speed," O'Reilly says. "By blindfolding her partner (partially or fully), she can comfortably ease herself into the exhibitionist role."

2. Rock 'n' Roll

How you do it:

"Both partners wear a blindfold for this move," O'Reilly says. "He sits on the bed with his back against the headboard and his legs outstretched with a slight bend in the knee. She sits on his lap, facing him, with her legs on either side and her feet planted on the mattress next to his hips. He helps to pull her hips into him as she rocks against him."

Why it's especially awesome with a blindfold:

"This position offers a balance of intimacy, as you're face to face in a vulnerable position, as well as unpredictability, as the blindfolds force you to feel your partner's rhythm in order to stay in sync," O'Reilly says. "This is a minimal-movement position. You can use dirty whispers, pelvic squeezes and deep breathing to heighten the sensations."

Next Up: The Splitting of a Bamboo

3. The Splitting of a Bamboo

How you do it: Blindfolded, the woman places one of her legs on her lover's shoulder and stretches out the other leg (you can alternate as you go if you'd like). He kneels, straddling her outstretched leg. Hence the name "splitting of a bamboo." Get it?

More: 6 masturbation positions for some damn good 'me time'

Why it's especially awesome with a blindfold: The large amount of skin-to-skin contact will deliver big-time sensation. "Any of the Kama Sutra positions could work with a blindfold, but the best ones are those of a more tactile nature," says Eland Sparklers, author of Kama Sutra Connect-the-Dots.

4. X Marks the Spot

How you do it: "Have your partner lie spread eagle on their back on your bed," Van Kirk says. "Blindfold your partner. Begin various licking and kissing all over his or her body. Then break out silk arm restraints and use them to tie wrists and ankles to the bed. Switch up between oral and penetration. To really change sensations, include other props like feathers, ice, sex toys and even food."

More: 5 fabulous books that remind us vulvas are awesome

Why it's especially awesome with a blindfold: "There is something about lying this open and vulnerable," Van Kirk says. "This will create a smorgasbord of sensation that your partner wouldn't have experienced relying on their sight."

Originally published Nov. 2014. Updated July 2016.

Last December my best friend gave me the biggest surprise of my life when he tricked me into thinking we won sideline passes to watch the Philadelphia Eagles warm up at their game against the Buffalo Bills at Lincoln Financial Field. The sideline passes were only part of his devious plan. The other part was when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him in front of the entire stadium. I was shocked and delighted, and of course, I said, “Yes!”

More: After 10 years of toxic relationships, sobriety taught me what a healthy one feels like

I’ve been sober for three out of the four years of our relationship. In fact, Fernando was the reason I decided to try sobriety. After years of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and countless attempts at moderation and drinking “normally,” I finally gave up the fight on May 7, 2013. It was because Fernando had broken up with me after months of watching me self-destruct that I decided to give sobriety a shot. After my decision to quit, we were able to form a healthy partnership.

I never dreamed that I would be planning my wedding as a sober bride because until three years ago, alcohol was always one of my main priorities. Now we’re planning our wedding for Feb. 2017, and one thing is for sure: Planning a wedding sober is unique.

1. Alcohol or no alcohol?

My partner is a normal drinker, as are many of our guests. This will not be a sober wedding. Obviously, if I had my ultimate choice, alcohol wouldn’t be present, but as a partner, I have to compromise. I want my guests, family, friends and future husband to be able to enjoy themselves and have a drink of alcohol if they so choose. That means I have to prepare myself to be at my wedding where alcohol will be present.

2. Wedding favors

Have you noticed that a lot of wedding favors are geared toward drinkers? Koozies, wine glasses, cork stoppers, flasks, shakers and shot glasses. You never really realize how many wedding favors and gifts have to do with alcohol until you’re sober. It’s been a struggle for me to dig deep on the internet and Etsy to find wedding favors that have nothing to do with drinking, creating or saving alcohol.

3. Paying extra for non-alcoholic options

I know it might not be this way at all venues, but at our venue, we’re going to have to pay extra to have some additional non-alcoholic options like non-alcoholic beer and a flavored water bar. To me, this is worth it because I want myself and my sober guests to have options. I want them to feel included and have drinks available that are fancier than just plain water or soda, but also don’t have alcohol.

4. Telling your wedding planner you don’t drink

I am not shy when it comes to my sobriety, but it was a little awkward explaining to my wedding planner that no, I do not drink. I felt like I needed to get it out of the way almost immediately when we spoke over email and then met in person. Of course, they might ask questions. My wedding planner asked me if I ever drank or why I was not going to be drinking on my wedding day. I simply said I used to drink a lot and then I quit three years ago. Maybe I’ll tell her more at a later date. I think honesty is the key to planning the wedding you want.

More: I thought meditation was woo-woo, until it helped me get sober

5. Alcohol is always addressed first

When Fernando and I were looking at wedding venues, we visited one place where the woman showing us around did not stop talking about the “big party” our wedding would be. She talked about the dance floor, how drunk people would get and how we would be partying until the early morning hours. I wasn’t amused by this. This is a wedding, not a drinking fiesta, but I understand that for many other brides, alcohol is a main concern.

6. Sober bachelorette?

It’s basically unheard of, and there is so little about it on the internet it’s depressing. But that’s who I am. I’m a sober bachelorette and I am entitled to my sober bachelorette party! Why aren’t there many options? I guess society is used to drinking bachelorettes. My maid of honor has graciously started to plan my bachelorette party that will include the beach, spa, relaxation, food and laughs with my girlfriends. We sober brides deserve these options and a bachelorette celebration all our own!

7. Do I put wine glasses on our registry?

Another fun part of wedding planning is putting together a gift registry. Fer and I headed to Bed, Bath, & Beyond a few weeks ago to sign up for a variety of goodies for our new home. As we browsed through the china and frying pans, we came to the wine glasses and beer mugs. I stood there and asked Fer, “Should we put wine glasses on our registry? Who knew there were different glasses for white and red wine?” Fer doesn’t drink wine. As I pondered, I thought about my future with sparkling water and mocktails. They deserve a beautiful glass too, and I put them on the registry.

8. Cultural differences

I’m from the U.S. and my fiancé is Mexican. Weddings in each country are very different. In the U.S., weddings normally end at 10 or 11 p.m. In Mexico, weddings are typically designed as huge parties that generally last until 3 or 4 a.m. Booze is a main staple at Mexican weddings, whereas in the U.S., it’s not uncommon to have a cash bar or no alcohol at all to limit alcohol costs and consumption. This is a reality I’ve had to deal with in planning my wedding. We’ve compromised with having a wedding that will allow drinkers to imbibe and ending the wedding at a reasonable time for my liking.

9. The internet is void of sober bride advice

Once I got engaged, one of the first things I searched for online was “sober bride” and it came up with results that weren’t helpful. I was really looking for advice from other brides like me who are in recovery or just don’t drink. What I found was information for alcohol-free receptions or weddings, and even reasons to stay sober at your wedding. We need more brides who are willing to speak to the issues of planning a wedding that will contain both drinkers and non-drinkers and where alcohol will be present.

10. Yes, alcohol will be present on my special day

I won’t sugarcoat it. Alcohol and I are no longer friends. But as a sober person moving through the world, the reality is, I will be in situations and at places where alcohol will be. It’s a part of life. I’ve chosen sobriety and I will continue to choose it every day, and especially on my wedding day.

Years ago, before my husband and I got married, we both had our respective friend groups firmly established. I had my wine nights with gal pals and he had logged hours of cornhole alongside his best buds. But stage three of romantic relationships requires an initial hangout with trusted besties to make sure you're not accidentally dating a weirdo (because it happens). Over time, my husband and I crossed bro-borders and grew to love each other's friends.

But because most our friends are single, and very few people enjoy being a third wheel (not that my husband and I spend much time in swan-shaped boats reciting poetry to each other), double-date partners are scarce.

A while back, to lock down some couple friends, my husband and I had the brilliant idea of setting up our respective best friends with each other. Surprisingly, the pair hit it off and double dates became a weekly event packed with whiskey nights and pancake brunches. It was constant fun... until it wasn’t.

More: My first love is a groomsman in my wedding because life is funny like that

An argument between the two involving strip clubs and Mexico ensued, causing a very real split, which put an end to our fearsome foursome. Looking back, our two friends weren’t right for each other but selfishly, I wanted them to fall in love and grow old together so I’d have an elderly couple to hang with when I go gray.

Although relationships with couples still feel like finding a diamond in a dumpster, we've managed to land one pair since. And it all began with an interview.

When I was first starting my writing career, I wrote wedding stories for the local newspaper. I’d meet up with couples and ask how they fell in love, got engaged and made their way to the altar. I interviewed couples that met on Match, in middle school and in dive bars. There were the couples who could tell me very clearly why they loved each other and then other couples who I soon learned had filed divorce papers. But out of the dozens of interviews I did, there was something special about meeting Cody and Geraldine.

She was a French student studying law and he worked for a famous sports team. Because I wanted the interviews to be relaxed, I asked my husband to tag along to the Chinese restaurant we had chosen for the meeting. I have to say, I was mildly intimidated by their incredible love story (they met in Spain!) and remember laughing more than taking notes.

After the interview, my husband and I drove home and couldn’t stop talking about how much fun we had. We plotted about how we were going to hang out with Cody and Geraldine again. Wanting to play it cool, we decided to wait a few days before texting and eventually asked them to meet us for drinks.

Since that time, the four of us have had game nights and beach days. We’ve gone on ski trips to Mammoth Mountain and relaxing vacations to San Diego. It seemed to work because we got to know Cody and Geraldine together, so the relationships developed at the same pace. Without the unequal divide of friendship between the four of us, the rapport actually came quite easily.

Still, other than Cody and Geraldine, our list of couple friends is very limited. We’ve tried to match up with other twosomes, but the group chemistry always feels off.

On one occasion, a pair of would-be couple friends got into a major fight in front of us while we were out at a gastropub sipping overpriced cocktails. To be clear, my husband and I fight from time to time and we're not always incredibly tactful about where and how, but this couple spent the entire dinner in silence. We all stared down at the artichoke dip in front of us while my husband and I tried to think of anything — anything — to talk about. Which of course, led to even more awkward tension.

More: I used a friendship app to find a new friend and would do it again in a heartbeat

A few months after that, another couple invited my husband and me on their yacht to tour the harbor during Labor Day weekend. We were excited to spend time with the couple aboard a fancy boat (because God knows we can't afford one). Upon arrival, we saw the three-level yacht sparkling in the distance only to realize it was full of people.

Both of their parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were aboard. For some unknown reason, we were invited to crash a family reunion. Because they had already spotted us (making a quick exit impossible), we hopped on board and spent the entire time talking to the random kids and family members as they walked passed us. I'm assuming they thought we were long lost cousins or something.

Despite our painfully uncomfortable encounters with couple friends, I still think we'll eventually click with more pairs. In the meantime, I’m holding out for my BFF to find the friend of my dreams so my husband and I have another pair to play bingo with in our future retirement community.

Whether we're willing to admit it or not, most parents have at least a small preference about the gender of their baby. Maybe that's why gender prediction kits and DIY gender prediction tests — like peeing into baking soda to see if you're carrying a boy or a girl — are always trending among parents on the Internet. We try so hard to be patient, but we just want to know. Some of us have even tried to tip the odds before conception, by using a gender-friendly position to have sex.

But before you throw caution (and condoms) to the wind, there are some things you need to know about pre-conception sex. So far, there isn't any research to support a foolproof gender selection method based on sex position. There are plenty of old wives' tales, stories from parents who claim their approach worked and even a Chinese conception chart that pins potential gender on a mother's age and month of conception.

More: 6 differences between couples who make it out of a rut and those who don't

Sure, nothing in life is guaranteed, but it's always fun to try. Check out our favorite sex positions (and dietary and timing tips) rumored to boost your probability of birthing a baby girl:

Try girl on top

Hoping for a girl? Then you might want to hop on top during sex! Again, while no single position can guarantee your baby's gender 100 percent, Dr. Ava Cadell, spokesperson for The Experience Channel and renowned love and sex therapist, says that to have a girl, the woman should be on top so that she can control the depth of penetration. Instead of "going deep,” your partner should ejaculate as close to the opening of your vagina as possible. This will make it much more difficult for the male sperm to reach your egg, since they have a shorter lifespan than female sperm do.

Do it missionary style

Turns out, good old-fashioned sex could be your golden ticket to getting pregnant with a girl. "Some believe that the best position to conceive a girl is the missionary position,” notes Stacy Rybchin, founder of My Secret Luxury. "Sperm with the X-chromosome (female sperm) travel slower and can survive up to five days.” Because penetration isn't typically as deep in this position, the sperm have a longer way to go, giving the females a clear advantage.

Rybchin's observations, which support both missionary and girl-on-top positions, stem from one of the original theories of natural conception, called the Shettles Method. The Shettles Method has been keeping parents-to-be busy between the sheets since the 1960s, when Dr. Shettles explained that male sperm may be faster in his book, How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby. As such, Dr. Shettles also endorsed "shallower" sex positions that give female sperm a fighting chance for couples hoping to conceive a girl.

More: How couples turned around their sexless marriage

Experiment with spooning

Another common sex position believed to help couples conceive a female is spooning. And what girl doesn't love to spoon, right!? This position, like the others mentioned above, allows for shallow penetration only, therefore upping the chances of a female sperm actually reaching and fertilizing the egg first.

Because of the shallow penetration, spooning may also fall within the Shettles Method since it can keep those speedy male sperm away from the cervix.

Next Up: Time it just right

Time it just right

According to experienced nurse and midwife Carmen Kosicek, RN, MSN, couples trying for a girl should have intercourse more frequently, stopping two to three days prior to ovulation. "The female sperm live longer, up to 72 hours,” she explains, "so the theory behind this would be that the sperm left around when the egg is present would be the female sperm.”

Don't orgasm during sex

We realize this tip sounds sort of awful, but if your heart's set on having a baby girl, then it's important to resist the urge to orgasm! After an orgasm, your body produces chemicals that cause the vaginal environment to become more alkaline. Apparently, male sperm thrive in this type of environment, while female sperm prefer the more acidic one pre-orgasm. (The Shettles Method also puts the kibosh on having an orgasm precisely because an alkaline, post-orgasm vagina is less friendly to female sperm.)

More: 22 Sexuality terms you don't know but probably should

Examine your lifestyle

Dr. Cadell points to a study done by researchers at the University of Exeter in England, which surveyed 740 first-time mothers, as well as a study by Maastricht University in the Netherlands, to prove her point: "Both studies confirmed that to boost the odds of conceiving a girl, women should say yes to calcium and magnesium rich foods, such as yogurt, tofu, milk, oatmeal, almonds, spinach, broccoli, beans, cashews and oranges.

Conversely, they should steer clear of foods high in salt and potassium, like potatoes, bacon, bread, shrimp and smoked salmon. The reason for this? In short, the diet is thought to enhance the acidity of a woman's body, and thus her uterine environment, making it easier for those female sperm to thrive and survive, of course. And while high stress levels are never recommended during pregnancy, it is interesting to note that periods of significant stress, like the 2006 earthquake in Greece, have been followed by a lower male birth rate.

Originally published April 2013. Updated July 2016.

As most couples who like to play with toys will tell you, sex toys are kind of like tattoos. They can be pretty addicting. Once you get the hang of using your first toy, you might be tempted to add a few dozen more to your goodie box in your nightstand. And while sex toys can be intimidating for first-time users, leading many couples to shy away from them altogether, most toys are far less complicated than they seem. If you're new to the world of adult toys, here's where to begin.

Take it slow

Don't bring an intimidating vibrator into the bedroom. Start small and then work your way up to something bigger and bolder.

Head online

Take your time browsing through the plethora of toys out there, with the rule that nothing is off limits, as you may surprise yourselves in what arouses your curiosities. Go to sites that are really great in providing educational/expert information with their toys, like Babeland, Good Vibrations and the Sinclair Institute. If there is no online option to chat with a live salesperson, go ahead and trek to your nearest quality sex toy shop to learn and/or see more.

More: QUIZ: What kind of masturbator are you?

"It doesn't hurt to buy a sex toy book, which can guide you with all of your options and how to use them safely while maximizing pleasure," says Astroglide's Sexual Health and Wellness Ambassador and Sex Expert, Dr. Yvonne Fulbright.

Next Up: Your first vibe

Your first vibe

"Vibrators are always great for beginners because they’re not only simple and easy to use, but they’re versatile and can create different sensations for different people based on what speed is used and where you put it," says Dr. Jane Greer, marriage and family therapist. Also, they're great for self-pleasure as well as for being pleasured by your partner. For couples interested in using toys in their sex lives: Have fun! Be open to discovery and trying new things, and be OK with the fact that your partner may not enjoy it and you might have to try something else that you both enjoy.

More: 6 masturbation positions for some damn good 'me time'

1. Adam and Eve's Slim Pink Pleaser Vibrator

Perfect for beginners and those that are more experienced, this vibe with adjustable speeds is waterproof and perfect for foreplay.

2. Crave Solo Vibrator

This mini and discreet vibrator is a great for beginners. Powerful, rechargeable, waterproof and it comes in an adorable black leather storage bag.

3. JimmyJane Hello Touch

This is the first finger vibrator that can be used externally or internally (with the help of a partner)! Each finger pad has its own motor, and it's the perfect combination of human touch and technology!

4. LELO Lyla 2 Vibrator

Another way to get him involved in the experience is with a remote controlled vibrator. This egg vibrator can be used both internally and externally and is waterproof and rechargeable.

5. We-Vibe 3 Vibrator

A vibrator for couples that is used during sex is a great way to introduce a vibrator into the bedroom. The G-spot end of the vibrator goes inside the vagina (with the penis), while the other end nestles against the clitoris.

Lube

"No matter what, for a number of toys, the best and easiest use involves at least a couple of drops of lubricant for comfort," says Fulbright. If you've never used lube before, be sure to add a variety pack to your shopping cart so that you can have a ball learning which type of lube is your favorite!

More: How to step up your lube game

Originally published Oct. 2013. Updated Aug. 2016.

In a statement this week, Ozzy Osbourne’s representative said the Black Sabbath frontman cheated on wife Sharon Osbourne because of sex addiction. That explanation was met with skepticism by one notable person: Ozzy’s longtime mistress. In her side of the story, Michelle Pugh claimed she and the rock legend had a “very real relationship,” that built slowly over time and wasn’t based entirely on sex.

Between that and Sharon’s apparent unawareness of Ozzy’s actions for a number of years, it is evident that what signifies sex addiction may not be clear.

That may be in part because sex addiction isn’t included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is used by professionals to diagnose mental illnesses. Without the formal diagnosis, there is only a rough estimate that 3 to 5 percent of Americans deal with sex addiction. Many professionals believe the true figures are much higher.

More: After 10 years of toxic relationships, sobriety taught me what a healthy one looks like

Many of the symptoms are markers of otherwise normal (if not entirely healthy) behaviors, making it even more difficult to identify sex addiction. So, where is the line between recreational pornography viewing and an obsession? What is the difference between a high sex drive and an addiction? Are dominating behaviors always problematic? Lisa Bahar, licensed marriage and family therapist, said sex addiction is characterized by "an insatiability or sense of urgency and anger,” rather than mindfulness for a partner’s needs.

Here are several more indicators your partner may be addicted to sex:

1. Rushing from one relationship to the next: It’s one thing to have a common rebound romance or even stumble into a new relationship shortly after a breakup. When it becomes a habit, though, it may be symptomatic of the constant need for a sexual partner.

2. You regularly catch your partner in lies: Most addicts of any kind find themselves weaving intricate webs of lies to cover up their actions. For sex addicts, that may mean falsifying stories about where they’ve been or whom they’ve been with. Bahar added the behaviors of sex addicts also tend to escalate with riskier activities, such as meeting strangers for trysts or seeing prostitutes.

3. There is unexplained spending: Beyond lies that are coming our of your partner’s mouth, you may see the evidence on any shared bank accounts. Be especially wary of checks that disappear without explanation or cash that goes too fast, as savvy addicts will be careful not to leave a trail straight to pornography websites.

4. You feel used for sex: If you feel like your partner is always putting his or her sexual needs first, that’s a big red flag. Bahar said the key difference is between an “insatiable need for sex” and a healthy desire to be intimate. For addicts, she said this might mean becoming aggressive or angry when denied sex.

5. Your partner discourages safe-sex practices: Along with viewing someone else as a sexual object rather than a person who is loved, sex addicts are prone to putting their desires first — whether that means pushing you to have sex before you are ready or refusing to use protection.

More: How I accepted that my love couldn't save my husband from addiction

6. Your partner masturbates or watches porn too often: Each relationship will have unique parameters for what is “normal” in terms of masturbating or watching porn. However, if your partner seems to be indulging in these activities multiple times a day or right after sex, there may be cause for concern. As Brian Whitney, recovering sex addict and author of Raping the Gods, said to The Fix, “I would sometimes even masturbate right after sex — with my partner passed out next to me.”

7. Thoughts of sex interrupt activities of daily living: To say “sex is always on his or her mind” isn’t much of an exaggeration for addicts. In these cases, the person may struggle with focus on work or won’t have much interest in other hobbies. Bahar said addicts have a “quality of preoccupation that leads to obsession,” which may even make it difficult to hold down a job.

As with any addiction, the road to recovery is not easy or straightforward. However, Bahar said it is possible to overcome sex addiction — and it all begins with identifying the problem.

Do we have guardian angels? I like to think we do -- and after this you'll agree with me.

More: Stop condemning celebs for deleting pics of their ex on social media

Some of these guardian angels come in human form and pop up when you most need them. Case in point: Twitter user @imfromraleigh live-tweeted her story of being an unwitting angel for a guy needing an outfit for a first date.

He thought she was an employee; she wasn't, but went with it.

Her style inspiration for this man? Ryan Gosling, of course.

She then had a heart-to-heart with him about his reasons for getting all gussied up for the date.

More: Why dating vegans is so damn difficult, even for a vegan

She eventually admitted that she wasn't a true stylist who worked for the store, but he didn't care because of their new BFF status.

The whole thing sounds like the plot of a new romantic comedy. An awesome one, at that.

And if you're reading, @imfromraleigh? Make sure you give us an update from you new BFF. We're pretty sure his date was a homerun with your divine intervention.

More: How to use your Pokémon Go obsession to find love

If you aren’t yet pregnant but aim to be soon, you might be surprised to know that hosting a fetus in your womb can bring sensations that are not always nurturing and sweet — but often deeply carnal and sensual. To put it bluntly, lots of pregnant ladies are horny AF, especially after the second trimester begins. Yes, mom, it’s OK to play the whore and not the Madonna while you wait for your baby to show up. Babeland, here you come.

I spoke to Madison Young, feminist porn purveyor, mom and author of the new book The Ultimate Guide to Sex Through Pregnancy and Motherhood: Passionate Practical Advice for Moms (Cleis Press, 2016). She told me all about the many creative ways moms-to-be can safely incorporate sex toys into their pregnancies.

The most important information Young shared with me is that all pregnant women are different — there’s no hard-and-fast rule for what you’ll feel during your own nine-month journey. Some will spend the first trimester vomiting and hating life, while others will start glowing ethereally shortly after implantation. It just depends on you and your hormones.

More: The sex toy so good, I almost passed out the first time I used it

And it’s the same for your sex drive — you might feel hornier than you ever have in your life, or you might not want anyone to touch you... or to touch yourself, at least for stretches of your pregnancy. But if you’re one of those aforementioned horny AF pregnant ladies, you’ve got loads of options for orgasms.

Remember that communication is key, and not just with your partner, according to Young. “It’s important to have a midwife or OB-GYN throughout your pregnancy, one that you feel comfortable talking with about your sexual practices.”

There is a lot of myth and confusion when it comes to using sex toys internally while preggers. The good news, according to Young, is that, “For most women who are low-risk and don’t have any medical complications that arise during pregnancy, sex toy usage either internally or externally should not be problematic.”

But there are some caveats. It is true that bacterial infections are more serious and dangerous for pregnant women, and that with careless use, such infections can be introduced via the use of sex toys.

More: Everyone is a little sexually fluid — even you

According to Young, condoms can protect you from potential infection. “Use safe-sex barriers with your sex toys, like condoms on your dildos and vibrators, to keep them clean and help prevent the spread of bacterial infection.”

She also recommends checking the materials that your toys are made of. “Make sure that the toys you are using are nonporous. If your toys are porous, bacteria can get trapped in the toy. Nonporous materials include silicone, stainless steel and glass toys. To ensure that toys are fully cleaned and sanitized after use, you can boil a pot of water and throw in your silicone dildos to kill any bacteria.”

If you’re not aware of what your older toys are made of and they appear to be some kind of flexible, hardened plastic, there’s a good chance they contain phthalates — dangerous chemicals you want nowhere near your nether regions, pregnant or not. Throw them away, or even better, find a place to recycle them.

If you’re not craving internal stimulation, but definitely in the mood for solo sex, there are some incredible external, clitoris-focused toys available. Since I wrote my last piece about sex toys for this column, I’ve discovered the Womanizer, which is a dramatically life-changing, mind-blowing sex toy (whether you’re pregnant or not). It uses technology that creates a kind of “sucking” motion using air, bringing fast, super-intense orgasms. This is one that you’ll keep around long after the baby comes — one that you’ll be able to use even during your very limited private mommy time.

Sex tips for each trimester

Trimester one: Anything except nipple clamps! Young says, "Playing with a blindfold can really amplify your experience even more and add a kinky flair to your pregnancy that can keep your relationship steamy."

Trimester two: "Indulge in sensual oils, massage candles (I love the ones in which the candle wax actually turns into a massage oil!)  — on thighs or breasts."

Trimester Three: "This is a great time to really pull out the vibes like the Magic Wand. I also love G-spot stimulation during third trimester, like with the NJOY or a curved Lucite toy. A liberator sex wedge can also really be helpful in supporting you in sex positions with your partner in late pregnancy."

More: You should know a thing or two about squirting

File this under disgusting things that need to stop happening: A new study conducted by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, published in the journal Sexual Health, looked at 5,805 single adults between the ages of 21 and 75 and discovered that 23 percent shared the sexts they received from love interests with up to three friends. Three friends. So disgusting. And yet, it's not surprising.

The answer might seem simple. Only sext with people you know and love and trust. But even that is a pipe dream. I once knew a man (who shall remain nameless) who sent another person we both know photos of his wife of 10 years nude without her knowledge. He seemed to get off on being seen as some kind of sexual dynamo and the only way to be seen that way was to send out these photos. Sick and pathetic if you ask me. But it does give me pause. Could my husband do this?

I don't think so. I trust my spouse. We have a very open sexual relationship and talk about everything. If he were the kind of man who needed validation that way, I would expect to know. Even so, it gives me pause. After all, I am sure this friend has a wife who surely trusts him. She has no idea that others now possess videos of some of her most intimate moments.

So who can you trust?

The safe answer, of course, is not to sext at all. But where is the fun in that? I can't imagine not being able to tease my husband back and forth during the day. It keeps our relationship fresh and fun. That said, I establish ground rules. First, I make sure he deletes everything we send. I don't want it on his phone. I do the same. I also have specifically talked to him about how I'd feel if he ever shared it with anyone else. That should go without saying, but it makes sense to clarify to avoid any confusion.

We can't do much to guarantee our privacy. We just have to hope that the people we choose to share intimate moments with understand the meaning of intimacy.

After seven years of marriage, I stopped wearing my wedding ring.

There was no big fight. In reality, my husband and I were having some of the best months of our marriage after nearly a year of struggle. We were being open and honest with each other. We were working on giving each other the space to be our full selves.

Something about that space made me look down at my hand and think, Why am I wearing this?

I couldn’t answer that.

Growing up, I saw my unmarried parents fighting and waited for them to leave each other, grateful they weren’t legally bound. I didn’t dream of a beautiful dress. I didn’t dream of a husband. I had no religion to suggest to me there was something sacred about a union. And when it came down to it, I was fully skeptical that two people should ever sign a contract with an oath of till death — gulp — do us part.

But married I was. My husband and I signed the paperwork in a courthouse when I was 17. My husband was from the United Kingdom, and we could either get married to keep him in the States, where we could be together, or he could keep leaving to go home. At the time, this seemed like an impossible option.

We planned the non-wedding with two days’ notice. His mother gave us some money and we ordered our rings in bulk — a three pack off of Amazon, an engagement ring, and matching wedding rings for us both. When they arrived the day after we were married, I had to ask which hand I was supposed to put them on.

I’d barely gotten used to calling him my boyfriend. And there he was — my husband.

Marriage became an armor I wore. We weren’t allowed to fizzle out like another high school relationship might. To fail meant to prove everybody right: The teachers and my peers who suggested I was naive (I was) or that I would end up pregnant within the year (I did not) or that I would be stuck in that small town for the rest of my life (I wasn’t).

This was how my husband and I forged our relationship. We had to prove everybody wrong.

And then last year, my mother died. Losing her, I realized with an intense clarity that only grief can provide how much of my life I was missing. I was caught up trying to be perfect so that I could avoid any pain or disappointment. And yet there was no avoiding the pain of losing her.

Almost immediately, my husband and I started fighting. We fought about my brother, who had moved in with us. I got resentful of all the responsibilities that were on my shoulders that I felt my husband wasn't trying to alleviate. But the details didn't matter. What mattered was that we started digging into every last thing we’d done to hurt each other, and for the first time, I felt like I was seeing our relationship for what it was, right there in that moment, and not for what it could be someday in the future. I looked at us and couldn’t see why either of us was still there.

For the first time, I was looking at our relationship and thinking, I don’t have to be here. What's the worst that could happen if I leave? If I leave, I will still exist.

So I started planning to leave. We were going into the holiday season, and I thought it would be cruel to leave then. I figured I would leave in January, the month my brother was expected to move out. Instead, on Thanksgiving Day, my mother's favorite holiday, my husband made us dinner and got frustrated with my silence. "It's like you're not even here. I feel like you're stringing me along," he said.

"You're right," I told him. "This isn't working."

For two hours I explained why I couldn't stay. I was measured and patient as he asked me questions, and I felt relief that I was saying exactly how I felt. I wasn't blaming him or me. We weren't fighting. It seemed like it was really, truly done. But then he asked me what I wanted to do about sleeping arrangements. It felt like he had surrendered to the idea that there was nothing he could do, that I was making my own choices, and that's when I felt a glimmer in my gut that maybe we could start from there, from that broken place of near-leaving and surrender. "Maybe we can start over?" I said. I told him I wasn't staying forever but that I would stay for today, and we could see where it went from there.

It sounds cliché. I can't get away from that. We took a long weekend together and had the most honest conversation we'd had since we'd met.

It was three months later, when we'd fallen into a comfortable connection again, that I slipped the ring off my finger and put it in my jewelry box. I wanted to see what it felt like to be free of it. I didn't know why at the time.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" my husband asked when he noticed its absence. It took him a while to believe me when I said it didn't.

By taking off the ring, I was giving myself space. The space to be a married person who could decide for herself what that meant. A person who was choosing to be here. A person who was willing to let go. A person who was whole all on her own.

My husband still wears his wedding ring. He told me that when people ask why I don't wear mine, he says, "That's just not who she is as a person." It took me a long time to realize that was true.

Taking off the ring was a way of coming back to myself. Maybe. Or maybe it was just a ring.