Are you currently or have you been previously bombarded by harassing phone calls, texts, emails and Facebook messages from an ex? While it may just seem annoying to you, it could actually be a symptom of something far more sinister than a case of a scorned lover.

According to a recent study conducted by the Department of Psychology at Oakland University, that kind of negative attention is classic psychopathic behavior. And what's worse is psychopaths keep tabs on you for very specific, selfish reasons.

More: I was married to a psychopath and couldn't see the signs

Even if the split was amicable and you agree to be friends, if your ex is a psychopath, you probably define staying friends totally different than they do. When the researchers asked their subjects who displayed psychopathic and/or narcissistic traits to explain why they stay friends with exes, the majority said it was in order to maintain sexual access to them. Ugh.

The other side of a psychopath is an unstoppable ego that simply won't abide by rejection. It is unacceptable. Think Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. If you dump one, you're essentially opening yourself up to someone who will stop at nothing to get you back because they can't be in a position where someone else has the upper hand.

More: 10 signs you're swiping right on a Tinder creep

At first they'll be super charming and unassuming. Can your ex charm the pants off of everyone, including your mother? Then he might be a whole lot crazier than he looks. They're also masters of manipulation, especially when it comes to sexual relationships. At first, they'll make you feel like you're the only person in the room, then once they know they've got you wrapped around their finger, they'll turn off to you, pull away, even start flirting with other girls in front of you. This tactic is called triangulation.

But the manipulation goes much deeper than that. Since psychopaths are giant narcissists, they absolutely love pity, and will suck it up like a sponge. As such, they'll regale you with countless stories of heartbreak, misfortune and severe-seeming illnesses and injuries. If you do a little research, you'll likely find most of a psychopath's stories are fiction.

The funniest/scariest thing about psychopaths is they'll totally let their sane masks slip from time to time for fun. They might just flat out say, "I'm a total lunatic," after an off-color joke or comment. Since we say things like that all the time without meaning it, you probably won't give it a second thought, but if your beau's a psychopath, that there was a blatant confession you just missed.

More: 9 not-so-noticeable signs you're dating a psychopath

Hopefully, your psychopathic ex will just do what they do best before you can — dump you first for no apparent reason. Psychopaths are notorious for getting bored quickly. See Dandy from American Horror Story: Freakshow.

However, if you manage to create a clingy psychopath by doing the dumping, the only way to rid yourself of them is ignore them completely. This might fuel their tenacity at first, but over time, like bullies, they should tire of receiving no response. However they are masters of manipulation; leaving them can be easier said than done and it doesn't change the fact that their damage can leave a lot of emotional scars.

When I’m asked about the age I became sexually active, my response tends to garner pity and even occasional disgust. Why? Because I chose to have sex at the age of 14.

My first boyfriend was everything I had wanted in a lover: a face that reminded me of Kurt Cobain and long blond hair to match, a love of alt-rock and warm hands to hold. From the first day I saw him, safety-pin-emblazoned hoodie draped around his shoulders and all, I set my sights.

Six months after we first met, I planned a hike and a picnic that would lead up to asking him what he thought about our friends saying we’d be a great couple, as you do when you’re very young and too nervous to tell someone you have a crush on them. “I mean, we could… Try it out,” I said with pubescent hesitance.

“… And if it doesn’t work,” he added, “we can still be friends!”

Shortly after our awkward, hormone-infused conversation ended, he went home and immediately called me. Since we were no longer face-to-face, I had much more courage and asked him if he’d thought I was pretty (he had) and if he had “like-liked” me all along (he had). As I went to bed with giddiness, I put a Sheryl Crow CD on repeat and woke the next day to sunlight streaming through the blinds. I had finally, after a grueling 14 years of life alone, found love. It was a truly teenage moment.

More: You should know a thing or two about squirting

Our first official day of dating, I took the light rail to his house to listen to mix tapes. While it was no longer the age of the cassette, we both belonged to less than affluent families and worked with what we had, which were mostly discarded old tapes and hand-me-down stereo systems. The mattress on his floor had no sheets, but a worn out comforter sprawled underneath our bodies as we both tried to lie just far enough apart while maintaining our held hands. Impatient for my first kiss, the Gin Blossoms floated through the air for what seemed like an eternity. After an excruciating hour or so, I finally asked him, flustered as I was, if he was ever going to kiss me. He did.

Shortly after our first official date, a screening of Tim Burton’s Big Fish at the cheapest theater in town, I realized that the kissing and dry-humping we’d been enjoying was definitely going to lead to sex, and I was ready. I made an appointment to get on birth control. In addition to wanting to protect myself from unplanned pregnancy, I also wanted to make it clear that this was indeed my choice. While I had felt the pressure that so many young women do to be flawless, I didn’t feel pressured to have sex: I wanted to have sex.

A month later, I packed my stereo, some candles and condoms into a backpack and headed to the empty apartment my mother and I were about to move into. My boyfriend agreed to meet me. It was summertime, school was out, and we were madly in love. The details of that first time are lost in the fog of the years that followed, but I can still remember the lustful and innocent months afterward. Free of the worries that come with adulthood, that first romance and the sexuality we explored together was completely untainted.

More: The orgasm shot that upgraded my sex life

Of course, we were teenagers and we broke up after a year. Twice. I cried in my bed for three days listening to Karen Carpenter sing “The End of The World” on a loop. Girlfriends came over to wipe away my tears until they got bored. It was high school after all. While I longed for someone to love and for the electric prickle of hot skin against my own, I didn’t have sex again for two years; I didn’t want to share that part of myself with just anyone. There was never a moment that I felt my sexuality wasn’t a sacred piece of who I was.

Young people are often viewed as incapable of knowing the consequences of their actions; their wisdom is second-guessed, their autonomy denied, their lives micromanaged. While critical guidance is necessary for young minds, staunch policing does not lead to self-possessed decision making. The multitude of reasons I was able to responsibly take charge of my sexuality certainly did not include shame, abstinence-only sex education or the denial of my bodily autonomy.

Exploring my sexuality early on was a character-building exercise and absolutely set the stage for the sex-positive life I live now.

I could never regret having sex at 14, because it simply wasn’t regrettable. It was beautiful.

Vibrators did not land very high on my list of priorities as a nineteen year old, but I also lived one block from a bright purple building with the words “XXX ADULT XXX” painted in bright red and black. I was desperately curious.

When I finally worked up the nerve to go inside, the most prominent fixture was the middle aged man who stood behind the counter with hair that reminded me of Dog The Bounty Hunter. Thankfully, the many explicit DVDs lining the shelves served as a distraction.

In the center of the small room was a clearance bin, and being the near-penniless, bargain-savvy teen that I was, I began sorting through masturbation sleeves and remote control bullets. Upon finding a $15 red, glittery jelly vibrator that happened to require the only kind of batteries I had at home, I went to the register to shyly purchase my first ever sex toy. It was a moment that would have Ilana from Broad City cheering.

More: The sex toy so good, I almost passed out the first time I used it

Bubbling with excitement over the unknown pleasures I was about to unlock, I hustled down the street, sneaking in my house so my roommate wouldn’t hear me come in with my secret goodies. Upon placing the cheap jiggling thing against my body, it dawned on me that everyone who had ever claimed to enjoy vibrators was either an idiot or a liar. It was such a stupid purchase, I decided, a complete waste of money. Worst of all, it was boring. I begrudgingly wrapped it up inside the paper bag I’d brought it home in and threw it in the trash. At least Ilana would have been proud of me for trying.

Fast forward to a few years later, when I began working at a feminist-focused sex shop.

Owned by a professor of human sexuality, the shop works as a center for sex education and quality sex toys. After a few months getting accustomed to products, I purchased the Vibratex Mystic Wand, and oh, did my anti-vibrator tune change. I had gone from thinking vibrators weren’t for me to an absolute believer. The Mystic was so rumbly! So powerful! It was just so very… effective. I've sang its praises ever since.

What I wish I had known before buying my very first vibrator is that a cheap vibrator will almost always feel like a cheap vibrator. Meanwhile, there are a dizzying number of luxury sex toys that are sure to turn any naysayer into a full-fledged convert, and your pleasure deserves the investment.

More: 7 sex toys to add to your masturbation bucket list

This is not to say you can’t get a quality sex toy for a respectably affordable sum, but a $15 vibrator is simply not of the same as a $150 vibrator that will likely last for years — and comes with a good warranty in case it suffers an early death (that's right, vibrators have warranties!).

Another aspect of sex toys I wish I known about sooner is safety. This industry is unregulated, which means that there’s no one making sure those inexpensive anal beads are safe except the sellers who go the extra mile to ensure the safety of their customers. Phthalates, a plastic softener found in jelly and other various sex toy materials, are known to be toxic and yet they still show up in sex toys left and right from lower quality companies who care more about making a buck than providing their patrons with healthy orgasms.

Companies dedicated to serving their community well often have to charge more; you’re paying for the peace of mind that comes with buying from a reputable source, not to mention the quality materials those companies are using to create outstanding products. Akin to purchasing organic vegetables from your local farmer’s market rather than the outlet grocer’s sale section, you are paying a company you believe in to provide you with a product they believe in. These relationships are give and take, and you can always wait for the really good sales if those price tags aren’t quite within your budget.

More: Erotica books really do have secret sexual powers

That first jelly vibe of mine was such a disappointment, so it brings me such joy to provide others with the knowledge they need to make an informed decision about buying sex toys. When I recommend a product to someone, it is because I know it’s safe, the price matches the quality, and I can bet that the person in question is going to genuinely love what they take home (unlike "Dog the Bounty Hunter" who let me waste 15 bucks on glittery plastic).

Bottom line: your body deserves the investment.

If you are like most women, you have wondered once or twice what your vagina tastes and smells like. We come by this curiosity honestly. Commercials for feminine hygiene products would have us all believe that there is something wrong with us "down there." We smell. We are "not so fresh." It can be very disconcerting.

A new video from Cosmopolitan aims to end that concern once and for all. See below:

Vaginas taste sweet and depend on what you eat?! Fascinating. Sign me up for some pineapple, please. In all seriousness, I have turned my husband down on his offers to go down on me more than once out of concern for cleanliness and smell. Maybe the trick is we should all go down on a woman or two so we can know for sure there is nothing weird or rank about it.

More: The real reason you don't pee during sex (and 19 other useful sex facts)

I have asked my husband multiple times to describe why he likes it, because it's hard for me to understand. But he does. And how. He always answers with some version of "it's the most intimate thing we can do." And it's true. There is something about being down there and letting someone put their face in your crotch that really says you are all in, am I right? So it's kind of sad that so many women are missing that amazing feeling because they are scared of how they smell or taste. Maybe this video can put a rest to that today.

But also, ask your partner, female or male, to tell you how you taste and smell. Chances are, if they go down on you, they like it, right? And why on Earth don't men have these same issues? Men wouldn't say no to a blow job if they'd just run 10 miles in 90-degree heat on day three of not showering. They'd drop trou in .5 seconds if the ladies were offering. So why are we so shy?

More: You'll score in more ways than one if you have sex before playing sports

Maybe it's because everything is on the inside. Or maybe it's because we've had years of commercials telling us we might have that "not so fresh" feeling while peddling scented pantyliners and completely unnecessary douche products. But our time is now. Let's stop denying ourselves sexual pleasure in the name of self-consciousness and start believing that we might actually taste and smell good.

Viva la revolucion.

Being stood up sucks, but it doubly sucks when you traveled a great distance only to get rejected in the worst way possible.

More: There was nothing shameful about losing my virginity at 14

That's exactly what happened to Mimi Black. The Irish woman schlepped from the west coast of her country to Glasgow, in Scotland. Her travel likely included spending money on airline tickets and a hotel, so she dished out a lot of cash to get dissed. But did she let it get her down?

Nope.

"A boy stood me up so I decided to have the best date with myself, and it was great," she wrote on Twitter, along with photos of her epic experience that showed she could plan a date that was 1,000 percent better than one this no-show dude could've planned. And she Snapchatted the whole experience before later posting it on Twitter.

First, she stopped by Ann Summers, a sex toy and lingerie store, to pick up some lingerie. Then, she quenched her thirst with some sex — well, a sex on the beach cocktail.

She topped it off with ice cream before heading home to model her lingerie.

The guy later apologized, but it was for the best because Black, who battles bipolar disorder and blogs about mental health, found out just how strong she is.

More: You'll score in more ways than one if you have sex before playing sports

"I managed to muster up the courage to travel into the city myself and meet someone I’ve been speaking to for a few months," she told the U.K. Mirror. "Without divulging too many personal details, he had missed two other meetings with me, but with his own reasons."

The lesson here: "People will fuck you over — it's up to you what you do about it."

"If I wasn't stood up, I wouldn't have saw (sic) the Ann Summers sale," she added. "Who's the real winner?"

You are, Mimi. You are.

More: 22 sex quotes to pin for the world to see

Content Warning: Body talk, links to NSFW images

Ah, the vulva. The beautiful female vulva. Something artists have drawn (hello O'Keefe) and poets have pondered for millenia. And now we have so many new ways to honor them.

It is extremely important to note that not everyone with a vulva identifies as a woman, and that not everyone who has a vulva wants to celebrate it. I love these books because they seek to undo some of the harm done by societal taboos on bodies in general, and vulvas specifically; that does not mean they are all for everyone, or that there are not complex layers of oppression at play in any body negativity. Body positive resources are not always inclusive of transgender people, though some of these books are. Please hold that in mind as you read, or stop here if needed.

I’ll Show You Mine

Wrenna Robertson spent 18 years as a stripper, and found herself increasingly frustrated with trends of body negativity and body alterations. She especially noticed the increasing popularity of labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure that changes the appearance of the vulva—usually to make it more closely match a shell-like ideal typical of mainstream porn. She collaborated with photographer Katie Huisman to showcase a range of 60 vulvas of many shapes, sizes, colors, and ages. Their mission is to normalize and celebrate diverse bodies and diverse genitals, as well as to lift up the stories and sexualities of the people photographed. A percentage of all proceeds go to women’s charities.

From Wrenna Robertson:

“I recognized that there was a dearth of resource material which allowed women to view other women’s genitals. […] I decided to make a book which would display life-size and full color photos of a diverse range of vulvas, all shot from the same camera angles and in the same lighting conditions. I also recognized that this was an incredible opportunity for women to share their experiences surrounding their bodies and their sexualities. I believe our inability to share openly about this part of our body is a very large part of the problem. I saw this as an opportunity to encourage women to examine how they feel about their bodies, about their sexuality, to uncover the root of those feelings. I recognized that being able to glimpse into another woman’s experience can be such a powerful way to learn about ourselves and the way society has shaped our feelings and beliefs.”

Petals

Similar to I’ll Show You Mine, erotic photographer Nick Karras’s collection of 48 black and white photographs aims to celebrate the vulva and push back against trends of vulva-focused body negativity including labiaplasty. But where I’ll Show You Mine works to maintain full realism and defines itself as educational, Petals balances between art and realistic representation. It’s a beautiful collection—as long as you can get past the vulva-flower metaphor, and the consistent language equating having a vulva with female/feminine identity. It also led to a documentary, Petals: The Journey of Self-Discovery, about the creation and reception of the book, and a “sequel” book in full color called I Love My Petals.

From the creator’s website:

“Petals was created to encourage self-love to a world of women inundated by false messages from the media of unattainable ideals. Fewer and fewer magazines are acknowledging the inherent beauty of the feminine, utilizing Photoshop to create Barbie-like standards. Petals takes a stand for women everywhere, revealing that they are sacred, ravishing, and powerful just the way they are.”

Vulva 101

Photographer Hylton Coxwell came up with the idea for his collection of 101 full-color vulva photographs while on a nudist beach. He has spoken about our society’s harmful taboos as evidenced by the plethora of euphemisms for vulvas, in comparison with the total acceptability of saying “penis.” His mission, similar to the previous two books, is to break down taboo and bring forward a variety of images and narratives.

From Hylton Coxwell:

“Designed to help society overcome its fear and shame regarding vulva, Vulva 101 features closeup photos of one hundred and one women’s vulvas, ranging from 18 to 65 years old. Each page focuses on one woman’s vulva from three different angles. It also highlights the thoughts, feelings and experiences of the women involved, and the natural, unique beauty of the female form.”

The Cunt Coloring Book

What would this list be if it didn’t include some of my favorite coloring books? Adult coloring books are a popular trend at the moment, but vulva coloring books have been around since at least 1975. That’s when lesbian activist and artist Tee Corinne created The Cunt Coloring Book, which is now available once again from Last Gasp Press. The images are detailed and accurate, and the best part is that you get to color them in however you choose!

From Tee Corinne:

“In 1973 I set out to do drawings of women’s genitals for use in sex education groups. I wanted the drawings to be lovely and informative, to give pleasure and affirmation. I organized the drawings into a coloring book because a major way we learn to understand the world, as children, is by coloring. As adults many of us still need to learn about our external sexual anatomy.”

The Vaginatastic Coloring Book of Vulvas

Maria Fernanda’s more recent vulva coloring book is not only available for free online through the intersectional anti-oppressive publication bluestockings, but also includes images, awesome anatomy lessons, and myth-busting points of information! This might just be my favorite find in the world of vulva imagery—it’s celebratory, educational, radical, liberating, and accessible.

From Bluestockings:

“We seem to know so much about the penis and how it functions while completely neglecting the vagina and its companions. Furthermore, what we do know about it tends to be based on pornography and the constant image of one ‘ideal’ type of vulva. This coloring book aims to demystify this anatomy while also providing fun to its reader, or in this case, new vulvatastic artist! I put forward colorable images of many types of vulvas, with their differing labial and clitoral sizes, colors, piercings, amounts of pubic hair, and the like.”

Let’s normalize and celebrate sexual and body diversity—vulvas first.

This is a strange time to be falling in love. You have so many pressing concerns in other areas of your life that romance, frankly speaking, doesn't exactly top the list. Being a true child of Mars, your impulse will be to beg off. You don't need any distractions as you battle the demons and dragons that have overrun your life. But where does it say you have to go it alone? Is it such a bad idea to come home to someone whose main purpose is to provide you with a pleasant diversion? A little light in your corner won't make you soft.

Next: Taurus horoscope

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As Venus moves ahead of the sun (you can see her in the nighttime sky right after sunset), you will feel once more like you're being recognized, loved and appreciated. It's a good thing too because you tend to get snarky when you sense that you're being ignored or neglected. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. However, you will be called out for comments made in the past and for actions that really weren't all that well thought out. Is it enough to derail a hope, project or aspiration? It all depends on how gracious you are about saying "I'm sorry."

Next: Gemini horoscope

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Is he playing with your head again? That's what you'll be asking yourself this week when an off-and-on love interest or former spouse makes a surprise reappearance. The conversation will seem casual but you can tell that something's up. You learned a long time ago how to read between the lines and fill in those pregnant pauses. Nevertheless Saturn's anchoring presence shows that he truly is sincere. The question is, do you really want him back? It will be nice to know that the ball is in your court and that this time you get to choose whether to pass or return serve.

Next: Cancer horoscope

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You will never grow jaded. And it doesn't matter how many times you've been led up the garden path and right into a brick wall. There's something about your heart that can't be broken. Hearts aren't like willpower. They're more resilient because they grow back. They grow as much from hurt and sorrow as they do from joy and hope. This week you'll meet someone who will change the way you look at men. He won't sweep you off your feet or rock your world, but he will surprise and delight you in ways that you didn't believe you'd ever experience again.

Next: Leo horoscope

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Mars, the planet that's been making your family life a living hell, is close to leaving that part of your solar chart that pertains to hearth and home. And it's usually when a planet is poised at the threshold that you're most at risk of being blind-sided. On July 29, Mercury squares Mars. This is bound to bring some kind of news, challenge or ultimatum that will make you see red. You need to remember that an opponent only wins if he succeeds in bringing you down to his level. Continue to travel the high road and you will be home free on Aug 2.

Next: Virgo horoscope

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Virgo isn't the first zodiac sign that comes to mind when people think of mistresses. And Virgos like it this way. Let everyone believe you're a prude who turns up her nose at anything untoward. It makes it easier to cover your tracks. Now Virgos don't really go out looking for these sorts of relationships. You want a man to call your own. But you also know you have an unfortunate tendency to let a partner take over your life once you're romantically involved which is why you opt for "otherwise engaged" paramours. This ensures you can have your cake and eat it too.

Next: Libra horoscope

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It's been a long time since you felt "special" and you have ruling planet Venus in Leo to thank for it. Venus is at her most golden when she's in this sign, and you've probably noticed by now that guys are falling over themselves to please and appease you. It also looks like your partner has noticed as well and you can expect some tense exchanges. This could spell trouble if you're not careful. Venus can make you feel special but you're the one who has to believe that you truly are special. And that's the gift that Venus in Leo has to bestow.

Next: Scorpio horoscope

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It's hard to admit but love doesn't work for you in the way that it used to. You're accustomed to falling in love with unobtainable men who were just too perfect, married or gay. Obsession used to fuel your passion but not anymore. Maybe you've been disappointed too many times or maybe you're just getting wise. Mars going back and forth in Scorpio for as long as it has can have that effect. Don't mistake disillusionment for jadedness. You're growing and evolving in mysterious ways and the result will be a richer and deeper love life — preferably with someone who wants to be obtainable.

Next: Sagittarius horoscope

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The Mercury/Uranus trine on July 27 gets you past an emotional impasse. This is when his aloof façade dissolves and he says all the things you've been longing to hear. And as he narrates his plans to pack up his things, leave his relationship and move in with you, you'll find yourself strangely disconnected. Are you in shock about things working out or are you terrified at the prospect of actually getting together? Clearly this is the time to take things slow. Be loving, reassuring and non-committal as you tell him that you will both need some time and space to explore this new development.

Next: Capricorn horoscope

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It looks like you're going to make the right decision after all. Yes, it's sorely tempting to give in to your feelings and to enjoy that tryst you've been fantasizing about, but when you think about what you'd be putting at risk and how this could lead you down a road of drama and trauma: Well, it makes more sense to take a cold shower. You weren't built for hookups or even love affairs. You can't help but think about the consequences. Born under Saturn, the planet of time, there has to be something lasting in what lies ahead or there's no future in it.

Next: Aquarius horoscope

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Don't respond to ultimatums on July 29 when tensions in your relationship spike thanks to the Mercury/Mars square. This is all talk and posturing, but you don't want to escalate matters because you hurt his pride. If anything you want to talk him down off that emotional ledge. What you'll come to discover is that his freakout is more existential (i.e., "what am I doing with my life?") than it is personally directed at you. It's easy to act out with loved ones which is why it's important for loved ones to redirect frustrated energy toward addressing real issues and not the decoy ones.

Next: Pisces horoscope

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You don't need fixing, but try telling a paramour that. Now most people would be hurt and offended by what comes out of his mouth, but you've been listening to love partners tell you what to do with your life since you first started dating. If anything you've developed a sense of humor about it. And besides: He's cute. Whether he's a keeper or not remains to be seen but continue to let him believe that you're open to his input. In time he'll relax and he may even grow to recognize that there's nothing to improve upon. You're as good as it gets!

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Finding a date online is like finding a Magmar: You search and search for that elusive character that'll make your game complete, but all you end up finding is a bunch of Pidgeys that aren't that special.

More: You'll score in more ways than one if you have sex before playing sports

The best way to catch the best dates? Find one that caters to your PokéObession. And yes, one exists!

PokéDates is one of the many businesses that have popped up to take advantage of the Pokémon Go phenomenon — and it's pretty brilliant. Created by the brains behind Project Fixup, PokéDates finds you someone to play the game with, and it's more like a matchmaking service.

It's pretty easy, too. First, you have to sign up for a Project Fixup account, then "tell us about yourself and what you seek in a PokéMate. One of our specialists will review your PokéProfile," according to the website.

More: Woman has the perfect date with herself after being stood up

"Let us know when you’re free and we'll start searching for someone you can explore and battle with," it continues. When you're matched, all you have to do is "show up at the right place and time and you can catch ‘em all together on your PokéDate!"

The first PokéDate is free, and then it's $20 for every date. If the match isn't your type? At the very least, you can get a few tips from another player — and maybe even find a few of the rarer Pokémons. Win-win.

More: 7 of the worst sex moves porn teaches us, illustrated by adorable animals

Consent — it's on everyone's lips. As we shift to a "yes means yes" national policy on sexual consent, many are scrambling to truly understand what consent looks like. Does it mean having to say yes every ten minutes? What happens if you change your mind in the middle? Does it apply to everything or just to penetration? Given that consent practices aren't taught in classroom sex ed and the narratives of porn consistently blur the line between yes and no, it's important to create media that clarifies the confusion that often accompanies sexual interactions.

More: Feminist artists that are celebrating women's sexuality

Thankfully, there are some rad comic artists on the internet doing a great job drawing it out for us. From learning how to build a consent castle in your relationships to fully understanding that unconscious people do not want to drink tea, here are three feminist comics illustrating what respectful, sexy and active consent looks like. If you're struggling to incorporate consent into your life, then it's worth your time to read and share.

1. Common misconceptions about consent

Illustrator Alli Kirkham explains what consent does and doesn't look like in a variety of interactions.

"But you said yes in the beginning."

"But you said yes once."

"But you said you liked it once."

"But you said you wanted it before you passed out."

"But you said yes at the altar."

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"But you invited me over."

"But you were asking for it."

2. Consent can be as easy as a cup of tea

In this short video, a British man explains, "If people say yes to tea, start drinking it and then pass out before they finish it, don't continue pouring the tea down their throat. Take the tea away. Make sure they are safe. This is because unconscious people don't want tea. Trust me on this."

3. How to navigate consent throughout a relationship

No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, it is important to build a comfortable consent castle together. The folks over at Everyday Feminism have drawn up a fabulous comic discussing how partners can work together to create a safe, comfortable and adventurous sexual relationship that lasts for years. Make sure to click through to see the full castle metaphor, that way, no one will be floating in the moat alone.

Ultimately, true consent is best practiced as an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time permission slip. The important thing to remember, always, is that you are allowed to have the experience you're having — and if you change your mind, stop enjoying something or want something different, you are both allowed to experience this shift and express it to your partner. Checking in throughout a sexual experience ("Is this OK?" or "Would you like me to touch you there?") and asking specific questions ("Would you like this faster or slower?" instead of "Do you like this?") are great ways to establish a mutually enjoyable sexual experience.

The sex we learn in movies teaches us that sex equals penetration and that the bedroom is not a space for conversation. It's time to take the narratives about how to have sex back from the media reels of patriarchy and do our best to practice consent in every way that we can.

More: 9 things to pack when you travel solo

When it comes to sex, there are no secrets in my marriage. My husband and I have been married 13 years and know pretty much all there is to know about one another — Deepest sex fantasies, strange proclivities, and all the details of every single past relationship. Nothing is off the table. Which is why a recent study showing that there is a "right" number of past sexual partners (14 for women, 15 for men) and that very often, men and women lie to one another about their "number."

Say what?

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Now, it's possible this only pertains to people who are dating and not long term married couples. But I do know quite a few couples who have been married a long time who opt not to share either their numbers or any details with their spouse. To each their own and all that, but I can't imagine spending my life with someone I didn't know everything about.

I want to know about my husband's past. I want to know about what the girl he slept with in high school was like. I want to know what he learned from her, what she liked, what he liked with her and I want to tell him the same about my past romances. Is that weird? Maybe. But my marriage has always run on extreme honesty. If my husband asks me if he's gained weight, he better be prepared to hear the truth. And vice versa.

For us, that honesty is what facilitates trust. I have had numerous flirtations since my husband and I were married and I tell him every detail. A few weeks ago I asked him why he's never jealous and why it doesn't bother him.

"Because I know you'd tell me," he told me. "I completely trust you."

And that's just it. It may seem like a small lie to say you've slept with five people when the number is more like 20. But it's still a lie. And lies grow and expand over time. If I think a guy is hot I tell my husband. If I flirt with someone, I share that. If someone flirts with me, I let my husband know. Our pasts are all on the table, too. He knows my ex-boyfriend's favorite color. We may go too far in the other direction, but I'd rather err on the side of extreme disclosure than hold anything back that might lead to mistrust.

It's not always easy. For a long time, I hated all of his exes. When I saw a photo of them, I would tear them up or take them out of photo albums. But that was long ago. At this point in our marriage and relationship, I value the truth above all else. It has cultivated an aura of trust.

More: Engaged couple's method for picking groomsmen rivals the Summer Olympics

So tell your partner the truth. Tell them how many people you've been with. If he says it's "too many" or slut shames you, then you know he's not the kind of person you want anyway. And that's invaluable information. There is no such thing as too much truth between lovers.

It's not uncommon to unload gifts you received from an ex — either on the front lawn or through online classifieds like Craigslist. One New York woman opted to do the latter when she listed a certified reconditioned 5200 series Vitamix blender on the website.

More: 68 sex positions to try before you die

But that wasn't all she listed.

The anonymous woman gave her d-bag ex a big f*** you — complete with a photo flipping off the camera — along with a story of the epic rise and fall of their relationship.

"Never date a corporate lawyer," she wrote. "Here's how it goes. You match him on Tinder and give him a chance even though he ghosted you after one date." He apologizes and "claims to hate True Detective, and laughs at all your jokes.

"Things were good for a bit because he's the good type of corporate lawyer. He wants to leave Wappen & Kladden! He has values! He's sensitive! You've never been happier."

But then things went downhill.

More: Woman has the perfect date with herself after being stood up

"The guy who committed to 80-hour work weeks for nebulous reasons is scared of commitment," she wrote. "The guy who asked to meet your family after you said it would be okay to wait, because commitment can be scary, is now scared of commitment.

"He clearly wants to break up, but makes you do it. It's the day after your birthday," she continued, "A few days later, this Vitamix arrives at your door. Who buys someone they're dumping a Vitamix?"

Fair question.

"He wants me to remember him fondly. I can't abide it," she continued. "I'm not gonna ruin a perfectly good blender. Yet, sitting on my microwave, it looks exactly like the Wappen & Kladden building."

So, her loss is someone else's gain, because $400 is a pretty awesome price for a Vitamix. No word if it's sold yet, but she's also available for dates if you're not interested in making smoothies.

More: You'll score in more ways than one if you have sex before playing sports

Total Divas' Nikki Bella is a professional wrestler, a business owner and a reality star. She's beloved by WWE fans, and she's about to get even more famous when her own show Total Bellas premieres this fall. But whenever I read interviews with her, they seem to focus on the one thing: she's not married.

Like a WWE-flavored Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, Bella is famously dating the equally adored wrestler John Cena. Fans of Total Divas already know that because she talks about it as much as your girlfriends do about their boyfriends. Before the season premiere of the show last year, the E! News headline was "John Cena Tells Nikki Bella 'We Can Talk About Marriage' in New Total Divas Season 5 Preview: Watch!" On a trip to Paris last season, she made a wish a the that Cena would propose. As a viewer, I can see why a couple's will-they-won't-they surrounding marriage makes for a good storyline. As an entertainment writer, I have to believe there's more to the story. As a woman, it's tough to watch this push and pull become a point of public contention.

More: 11 reasons the Bella twins are the best sisters on TV

It's well-trodden territory that single people hate answering the question, "So when are you getting married?" Bella was asked the inevitable question earlier this year during an interview with Latina. She's open about her eagerness to tie the knot and equally forthcoming about Cena's desire not to. "'Marriage fever,' she says with a sigh. 'I have to remind him when I get hit on, 'I got hit on because no one saw a ring.’ The good thing is, he’s more open to marriage now — kids, unfortunately, no.' Despite the uncertainty about her romantic future, Nikki keeps it all in perspective. 'When I envision having my life without John, it hurts more than having a life without kids.'" We all make compromises for our relationships. Fewer of us have them documented by Latina, InTouch, and E!. Does our coverage of this woman have to circle around her relationship status?

It may just be mesmerizing to read about a relationship sacrifice that appears uncommon. But Megan Costello, a licensed therapist who practices in San Francisco, say she sees couples struggling with unbalanced expectations often. "I see this a lot, and it's not always the woman who wants to get married and the guy who doesn't," she says.

As with so many other things, the key is communication, according to relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing). "There are many things in a relationship that a couple can compromise on; but there are some (like the decision to get married or have a baby) that need two people to say yes," says Syrtash. "If a couple wants to stay together with this issue lingering, they need to ensure they keep communication open so they're not holding resentments. They also need to do a cost-benefit and ask themselves, 'what's it costing me to stick to my decision?'"

More: 10 things you didn't know about the Bella Twins

But the answer, again, lies in compromise. "Couples decide to meet in the middle by moving in together, having a joint checking account and managing their money together, those key parts of marriage. Oftentimes there is a way to compromise on the specific issues and then marriage in general becomes a more amenable topic." For Bella and Cena, perhaps the trick is signing on do to a reality show together.

There are adorable proposals and then there are adorable proposals. This one is the latter kind.

Is that the sweetest thing in the world?

The guy is DNC staffer Andrew Binns and during the first day, he invited his girlfriend and fellow staffer Liz Hart up on stage to take "a commemorative photo." Instead, the giant screen began to play a video featuring photos of the couple's various adventures as well as the line: "will you marry me?" carved into beach sand. All was set to Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling."

More: We got married for the cash, my friends, and I'm not afraid to admit it

Pure cuteness.

What is even more awesome about all this is the fact that these two are on the same side. The truth is, for political junkies, this is the time. And two political junkies who love one another and are fighting for the same cause have a much higher chance of long-term happiness than anyone else.

More: Couple gets hate for engagement photos, responds with relentless positivity

I adore my husband, but every year around November, I get sad that he is not more politically engaged. These conventions are like my Super Bowl and I love every second of them. For him, they're just a snooze-fest. Sure, he is a liberal like me, but not with the same gusto. Being on the same side in politics makes for passionate sex and a whole lot of fun on the campaign trail.

I see a lifetime of happiness for these two.

Dating vegans is hard as hell.

There I said it. It’s not hard because all vegans are crazy. I mean, some aren’t, but the most difficult thing is just finding someone you like, period. OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. Hi, I’m Ayinde and I’m a lifelong vegan and the funniest thing about me is that I was a vegan who had never dated another vegan until two years ago when I published my book, The Lusty Vegan. When I finally did start dating a fellow vegan, I thought I had hit the jackpot.

The first thing you realize when you start dating a vegan is that there is a lot more to a relationship than what you eat. So you don’t have to figure it out on your own, I did the field research for you.

Here are four things way more important than food.

1. Like, like

You know that kind of like you have for a person that supersedes all of their BS? My mother says, “Ayinde, everybody has BS. Just be sure you can deal with their brand of BS and not hope it will someday change.” However, when you take stock of it, there is a philosophy that says when people come together they choose to intertwine their karmas. When you share karma, that basically means if the other person has a seemingly crazy, crappy life, it will inevitably become yours. You ready for all that?

2. Communication

Something that happened a lot with my vegan-on-vegan relationship was that we would both make assumptions about what the other said instead of just asking, “Hey, what do you mean?” Now you say, "Duh, Ayinde, this is so simple." But is it? All sorts of things come up that make you hesitant to speak your mind, but it helps to have a pact up front about always telling the truth. This can be difficult, especially when you factor in the stuff you don’t say. Remember, omitting things is the same as lying.

3. Compatibility

After you find out the sex is really good, can you talk? And I mean really talk about any and everything beyond just the latest vegan food? If you can do this, your partner is a keeper. As my mother would always say, "Make sure you can talk to her because sex don’t always last." Gross, Mom, but thanks. Her point was it shouldn’t be difficult to talk to your partner the way you do your bestie. Why? Because when the both of you are old and gray and you might break a hip with some hanky-panky, verbal intercourse is still just as good!

4. Trust

Do you trust them? Sometimes in relationships we use our significant others to fill a space, to be a warm body, but don’t really trust that they are being honest. This distrust occurs a lot with men in hetero relationships, at least I know it does to me. I’ve had women tell me, "I assumed you were cheating, but as long as I never found out I was fine with it." I’m sorry, what? Yeah, I trust you as long as I cannot prove you’re guilty. I’m like, that is probably why it didn’t work out. You can speak/think things into existence and all good thoughts come from trusting that you are safe enough to be happy.

Once you have all that sorted, then you can talk about the virtues of turkey bacon vs. coconut bacon.

'Yinde out.

Ayinde Howell is a speaker at the #BlogHer16 conference, the premier event for women online taking place from August 4 – 6, 2016, in Los Angeles, California. Don’t wait! See the agenda and all the speakers and get your ticket now.

Since so many of us have faced this common dilemma of a long-term relationship that has cooled, “keeping the passion alive” is a topic researchers have studied and studied and studied again. In one of the most recent 2016 studies out of Chapman University — also one of the largest studies on the subject to date — psychologists examined heterosexual couples in long-term relationships to find out what was really going on. The results of the study showed that fanning the flame, i.e., keeping a sex life regular, was as simple as having more foreplay, mixing things up, setting the mood and showing regular expressions of love.

More than a few sexperts agree. Here’s what they have to say about reviving a long-term sex life that has petered out:

1. Masturbate more often

Thankfully, in the new millennium masturbation taboo is no longer a thing, and touching yourself regularly is something you need to be doing if you want to keep the sexual chemistry crackling. “When scheduling is difficult, and you're not having sex as frequently, you can actually lose the desire to have sex. To help combat this, you can help maintain your sexual energy by staying in touch with yourself through masturbation. You'll soon find that you have a heightened sense of desire for your partner — and it doesn't hurt if you think about him/her during masturbation too!” Alexandra Fine, the CEO of Dame Products, says.

More: 9 Reasons married people should still masturbate

2. Be as spontaneous as possible

That bedroom burnout you’re experiencing is not just your imagination — Kristin Routh, licensed marriage and family therapist, says the “burnout factor” can come from routine sex, “meaning, something that we do over and over in the same way turns into something that can cause us to go into autopilot mode immediately.” She continues, “The brain creates a habit or routine behavior that can lead us to not feel as present during sex, which can lead to lack of enjoyment.”

To her clients, Routh suggests, “Mix up locations and timing for sex. Long-term sex can lose the spontaneity that once was present. Rather than confining sex to the bedroom at night, straddle your partner on the couch while watching the news, hug and ‘feel up’ your partner from behind in the kitchen while your partner is cooking or washing dishes, jump in the shower with your partner in the morning for a spontaneous sex session. If you have kids or other people in the house, you can become even more creative (and excited) as you find secret spots to make-out and make-love without others knowing.”

3. Go on more dates

As if you needed an excuse to call the babysitter or pet sitter and get the hell out of Dodge, dating may be the one of the most important habits to maintain a fresh and successful long-term relationship, love and life coach Heather Allison says. “It's so easy to get comfortable, to get used to the routine and the regular schedule in a relationship; to let ourselves put down our 'high-gloss' efforts that we took so much care to cultivate and maintain while we were dating. And one of the most powerful things we can do to keep injecting the same amount of 'zing' into our long-term relationships is to keep polishing — keep bringing back the ‘high-gloss’ by going out for fancy dinners or new adventures like we did when we were brand new.”

Routh adds, “Sometimes, mixing up other activities in the relationship can also create space for exciting sex. When sex becomes ‘boring,’ we can think our relationship or even our partner is boring, or even question our own ability to be interesting and exciting. Make some dates that are out-of-the box for both of you: go paintballing, take a road trip with no reservations or solid plans in place, finger-paint in your living room.... The wilder and more non-routine the better. Putting you both in new situations together can make you draw closer together and lead to unexpected and creative intimacy that feeds over into sex.”

More: FYI, a longer marriage doesn't mean a stronger marriage

4. Exercise together

This one may seem easy, but it really works to rev things up when engines have been idling for years. A 2012 study at Indiana University has linked exercise to female orgasm, even during exercise, while a 2015 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found exercise to improve erectile and sexual dysfunction in men. (Yippee!)

Nicole Bermack, part-time hot yoga teacher, always recommends that her clients experiencing sexual frustration bring their partner to their next yoga class. “Exercising is known to release hormones important in conception, so every session will lead to a boost in desire. Watching your partner's body become tighter and more fit will also make you crave for his or her touch,” she says.

5. Plan the foreplay

Remember the foreplay factor that researchers mentioned as being so pivotal to a sexy long-term relationship? Now’s the time to come up with your passionate plan of attack. Relationship expert April Masini, author of Romantic Date Ideas for committed couples who have lost the spark, says, “For instance, hire a pair of masseuses to come to your home and give you both a couple’s massage, side by side. If the weather is beautiful and you have privacy outside, use your yard, lanai or patio. Otherwise, set the scene inside. Prepare fluffy white robes and towels and candlelit rooms. Chill some bubbly water and champagne or heat up a little sake. Have fresh sushi or fresh mango and pineapple slices ready for après massage snacks. The relaxation, spending time together and all the sexy details, like the chilled drinks, fluffy robes against bare skin and candlelit mood lighting, will definitely help spark your sex life if you’re having a drought.”

Bermack adds, “Chocolate and strawberries are a stereotype for a reason — they're both extreme aphrodisiacs and have the potential to make foreplay super-exciting! Use and eat them before and just when clothes are beginning to come off to maximize and heighten the fun.”

6. Trade favors

Another thing about a relationship that has a few miles on it is the tendency to suddenly stop speaking up in bed. Now is the perfect time to voice those secret sexual desires and special tricks that can push you over the edge — and ask your partner what they want too. Allison suggests trading favors in bed, saying, “One night, it's his turn to be spoiled, with all of your focus on giving him an experience of pleasure tailored just to him; building him up, teasing him, with your eye on his experience and his peaks of ecstasy. And the next night, it's all about you in the same way — he focuses all the attention, all the pleasure, all the 'service' on your ecstasy. By allowing ourselves to receive fully, unabashedly, unapologetically, it helps to fill us up more completely so that we're not maintaining a kind of ‘midline’ of pleasure in the relationship.”

7. Make a bucket list

And if you have no idea what to ask for in bed, you can seek outside inspiration to start plotting your next sexual tryst. Read some erotica, watch some (ethical) porn, engage in some dirty talk with your partner and begin jotting down a list of everything you’d like to do in bed before you die. “Make a bedroom bucket list together, over a bottle of wine, to be carried out over the next six or twelve months. Just brainstorming and discussing what you have always wanted to do and never brought up is sexy. You can make an oral list, a written list or put your wishes on note cards in a fish bowl, and once a week, or once a month, dip in and do what’s on the card you pull out,” Masini says.

8. Think about the deeper connection

As fun as it may be to fantasize about those early days when you tore each other’s clothes off, the reality is that you may not be able to re-harness the sexual frenzy you had when you just started dating, and that is OK. A relationship changes with time, and a deeper, spiritual connection develops that can strengthen a bond and support a healthy sex life.

“Arguably more important is this — after any amount of time, a relationship necessarily changes from a physical-based connection to a spiritual-based connection. In order to foster that deepening of connection and therefore keep the intimacy and attraction building, it's less important to define what ‘spirituality’ means for each of you, and more important that you find things within one another to fall more and more in love with,” Allison says. “Counter-intuitive, perhaps, but this asks that we connect more deeply to the mind and the soul of the person we're with as a means of connecting with them more deeply (and more excitingly) in the physical.”

9. Try meditation

When all else fails, and you’re just not “into it” anymore, it may be time to give meditation and mindfulness a try. As Fine explains it, being present and mindful is one of the foundational keys to good sex, but that doesn’t mean it comes easy. All puns aside, meditation can help to bring you back to the present in your daily life, with results that spill over into the bedroom. Fine says, “With any routine, continuing to stay present (when you've done it a billion times before) becomes the biggest challenge. Buddhism teaches a concept called ‘Shoshin,’ or ‘beginner's mind,’ which propounds maintaining a fresh attitude towards all subjects, much like a beginner would. This outlook can help keep sex new and exciting.”

More: I thought meditation was woo-woo, until it helped me get sober

Originally published Nov. 2008. Updated July 2016.

When you're pregnant, sex may be the last thing on your mind — after all, that's what got you into this mess in the first place. But along with the other changes going on in the body in the first trimester, including swollen boobs and a touch of nausea, many expecting moms have noticed an interesting side effect. Because of all the pregnancy hormones coursing through your veins, your sex drive can go through the roof.

Of course, sex during pregnancy (when you are feeling energetic and comfortable enough for it) serves more than one purpose beyond scratching your itch. The stress release and the pleasure of a nice, big O is always a win, but there are several scientific reasons to get frisky. "Continuing to have sex during pregnancy is important for not only the ongoing intimacy and bonding that it creates for both partners, but it also allows for the release of oxytocin, which is a hormone that bonds partners through physical touch," says clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D.

More: 6 Facts about sex that will make you want to be more adventurous

"Research has indicated that oxytocin is also good for the baby in utero. It reduces maternal stress and can create a healthier environment for the pregnancy to develop. In addition, thanks to increased lubrication, the ability to orgasm and increased blood flow to the labia and cervix — which creates more sensitivity — sex can be even more pleasurable during pregnancy than normal," Kat says.

1. Rear-entry side position

How you do it: Lie spooning one another, with the male behind.

Why it's awesome: "It doesn’t allow for the penis to go too deep, which can be an issue as the cervix is more sensitive during pregnancy," says Van Kirk. It also takes the pressure off of the belly and pelvis. It creates the opportunity for his hands to have access to her breasts as well."

Next Up: Queen takes king

2. Queen takes king

How you do it: He sits in a sturdy chair with arms. A wingback chair works better than a small or lower club style. With her back to him — and with enough lubrication to prevent pain — she places her hands on the arms and sits down onto his penis. He places his hands on her hips to help raise and lower her, or if she is strong enough, he can play with her breasts and clitoris. (You might want to try this position clothed before trying it naked!)

Why it's awesome: "She can also remain in one position and hover there, as he pushes up into her," says clinical sexologist Eric Marlowe Garrison, author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. "It's wonderful for pregnancy, because she has control over depth and speed."

More: Sexpert’s answer to why sex stops could save your relationship

Next Up: The "lazy" sex position

3. The "lazy" sex position

How you do it: Face opposite directions with your partner while you're on your backs. Then scissor your legs together.

Why it's awesome: "This position creates as little work as possible for both partners because they both have their weight distributed on their backs and can control penetration easily," Dr. Van Kirk says. "She can shift her hips into a comfortable position, while allowing her hands to access her clitoris."

Originally published Feb. 2014. Updated July 2016.

We're a sucker for a good wedding pic, but man, are they hard to track down when it comes to celebs. Sure, they need privacy, but would a little peak into their big day be so terrible? Just some candid snaps so I can see what they wore and how happy they look? Basic stalker essentials — that's all I ask.

Here's what we could find that they were willing to share with the world. The rest will have to live in your imagination. (For example, I'm pretty convinced Justin Timberlake walked down the aisle dancing like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. Don't try to tell me otherwise.)

1. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel

My statement above stands. (And Biel's dress is pastel pink. Ehem. Nobody puts baby in a corner.)

2. Lauren Conrad and William Tell

In light of my excitement over the trailer for The Hills reunion, how crazy is it that our fave Hills girls are married? They are, like, totally all grown up now.

3. Whitney Port and Tim Rosenman

Can't have Lauren without Whitney.

4. Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt (RIP)

It looks like it was pure bliss. Sigh.

5. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

I admit it, I don't hate them together.

Next: 5 more celeb wedding photos

6. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend

Yep, I just developed a couple crush on them.

7. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton

Hey, we told you this wouldn't be all fairy tales and happy endings.

8. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

And I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hollywood romances can survive (despite every tabloid that says otherwise).

9. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard

The city courthouse has never looked so romantic.

10. David and Victoria Beckham

A true throwback. And now we know where Carrie Bradshaw got the whole bird-in-your-hair thing.

Next: 6 more celeb wedding photos

11. Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves

That finger point is so Benjamin Barry in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

12. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden

OK, so they're kind of adorable.

13. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

Oh, how the times have changed.

14. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Would you expect anything less vogue?

15. Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello

Sorry to be vain, but #BestLookingCoupleEver.

16. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale

Look at that beautiful, talented, awesome bride rocking a dip-dye dress that you let go, Gavin. Take a good, long look.

“Pull over,” I mumbled, my cheek pressed against the cool glass of the passenger side window. “Pull over!” I insisted, louder this time, cupping my palm underneath a mouth that threatened to spew every free tequila shot I’d poured down my throat in the last six hours. The car came to a screeching halt, and I stumbled out, retching violently. My fiancé stood by my side in the puddle of illumination from the headlights and rubbed my back. “It’s OK,” he crooned. “It’s OK.” But it wasn’t. It so wasn’t. I felt embarrassed and foolish and stupidly ungrateful.

More: Are you really prepared for your fiancé to have a buck wild bachelor party?

When I met my fiancé, striding across a hotel lobby to meet a friend I was dating at the time, shivers danced up and down my spine. It took him a little bit longer, but I knew right away. He was the one. And I was furious. A studious girl in college, nerdy and awkward, I’d just begun to blossom into a real hell-raiser in my 20s. I hadn’t even worked up the nerve to have a one-night stand yet. And there he was, making all those things look petty and unimportant. I tried valiantly to push him away with my ferocity, but he just kept shaking his head and coming back for more.

When we decided to get married two years later, I resolved to create a night of debauchery that would rival Kesha on a massive, drug-fueled bender. It was my last chance to experience a single life I had never enjoyed properly. Friends flew in for my bachelorette party, and since we already lived in a college town, the list of clubs we could fall in and out of was endless.

I put on my tightest black pants, knotted the bachelorette checklist shirt the maid of honor had insisted I wear somewhere around my rib cage, and took my exposed navel and bad intentions to every bar in the city. I don’t remember much after the fourth club, just bits and pieces of stumbling recollections. By the time my fiancé came to pick me up at 2:00 in the morning, I was making out with one of his friends in a darkened corner of the parking garage. He just laughed and honked the horn.

“Just one more minute,” I slurred drunkenly, waving my hand in the air and holding onto his reluctant friend for balance. Later, after our pit stop on the side of the road to empty the contents of my stomach, my fiancé eased me into the warm steam of a shower at home. The bachelorette checklist shirt had come with a marker that had been knotted around my neck. At some point during the night, casual strangers had decided to stop writing on the shirt and had started tattooing my skin with Sharpie. Phone numbers, names, tiny phallic symbols. My fiancé spent the night before our rehearsal dinner scrubbing tiny penises off my back with his loving hands and a loofah.

More: 20 women share what they regret about their weddings

The next morning, the sun was unbearably bright and no amount of coffee could convince me I was not going to die. But I had a hair appointment, so I gingerly stepped into my Jeep Wrangler and drove down the street. My hair was plastered with sweat to my head and I had sour breath so powerful toothpaste didn’t even put a dent in the stench. I was pulled over in two seconds flat by a cop who could plainly see that I might still be drunk from the night before. I tipped my sunglasses up onto my forehead and gave him my full confession. He grinned and took pity on my utterly wretched state, letting me off with a warning to get more coffee and sober up. Yeah, man. On it.

When I got back home from my hair appointment, the apartment was eerily quiet. My fiancé was bowing to my insistence on tradition and staying elsewhere the night before our wedding. But in the middle of our bed was a plain white box, unadorned by ribbons or wrapping paper. My heart jumped into my throat. I expected a clichéd trinket or some such nonsense. I am one of those utterly alien beings — a woman who doesn’t give a damn about jewelry. And my fiancé, while possessing the patience of a saint, had never been a particularly thoughtful partner.

Inside was a rock. A small one. About the size of a quarter. Shot through with quartz and flecked with gray and black. I stared at it, puzzled. Great. He got me a rock. He’d paid twelve dollars for my engagement ring from a boutique store downtown, and I’d found it sweet and utterly charming. But this was taking things a bit too far. In the bottom of the box was a folded piece of paper, crisp and new.

Scrawled in his barely legible handwriting was a note. He’d proposed to me in the middle of a wildflower-dotted meadow in the Tetons where we’d hiked eight miles up to an alpine lake. When my husband-to-be went down on one knee, all I could think was that I hadn’t showered in three days. I was wearing a bandanna and a sports bra. Later, when we went down into Jackson Hole to celebrate and take a bath, we left a black ring in the tub that I’m sure the housekeeper cursed over.

Unbeknownst to me, when my fiancé had lowered himself to the ground in that valley to take my hand, he’d picked up a small rock and slipped it into his pocket. And he’d given it to me on our wedding day, to remind me that what we’d share would always be ours. A language only we could speak, undecipherable to others.

I sat on my bed the morning of my wedding and struggled not to bawl my eyes out. Over a damn rock. Because I was NOT going to have swollen, red eyes on my wedding day. But it was no use. I was wrecked; overwhelmed by the realization that I’d always known he was the one. I’d only let myself settle into the certainty of it in those moments, had finally accepted it with gratitude. And 14 years later, I’d still let my husband scrub tiny penises off my back any day. Thank God he doesn’t have to.

Come follow me at A Sweet Little Life on Facebook for more about love, life and lots of sugar.

More:  7 ways to not blow your wedding budget on save-the-dates and invitations

Originally published on BlogHer

Celebrities erasing social media photos of exes has become a hot topic. People.com has a piece on celebs who wiped traces of all their exes on Instagram that made me wonder why people can't delete whatever photos they like from their past relationships without being questioned if the relationship really existed.

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When non-celebrities deletes photos from social media sites, I am doubtful that family or friends question this move. Typically it's done as a coping mechanism to delete the photos and move on. By wiping away the memories from social media, it helps them metaphorically erase the memories from their own minds. For celebrities whose fans thrive on seeing them in photos, it might bring about a different response when the past relationship pictures are deleted and inquisitive media sites want to know why. I do not think it is fair to say the relationships never existed just because a celebrity deleted the evidence and wanted to move on without photos remaining in the media's eye.

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A social-media purge is also a helpful way to move on. Who wants to enter their next relationship while photos of their exes are still popping up? Now imagine being a celebrity and having to be surrounded by your past relationships across the media. Think of it as like going into someone’s home where old relationship photos are still up on the wall — wouldn't this cause a red flag to go up for you? Is this person over his or her ex? It's the same for pictures on your social media account — even for celebrities. Fans may want to see photos of their favorite celebrities and their partners, but if they don't want to be reminded of their past, neither do celebs.

Moving on after a breakup is different for everyone and depends on how he or she manages the transition. Being able to focus on yourself and self-care are great tips to remember when you breakup or are broken up with. Your healing process is your own, and if you feel like taking down old photos and memories is part of that process, then go ahead and delete.

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Earlier this week, Dax Shepard said it cost him $142 to marry Kristen Bell. And last night on Conan, Bell's Bad Moms costar Mila Kunis proudly credited her wedding bands to Etsy. I can hear Kim and Kanye gasping from here.

"He got my a beautiful engagement ring," Kunis told Conan O'Brien of her husband Ashton Kutcher, "like stunning, stunning, stunning, but for our wedding bands for when we got married I decided to just get them off of Etsy." They cost 90 bucks. Bada boom, bada bing.

Excuse me while I have a "she's just like me" moment. Feel free to join in.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years and it's been smooth sailing as we just kept the wedding on the back burner. But that doesn't mean we don't talk about it. Now, as we near 10 years together and prepare to face some major changes, we're both ready to just, as our friends and family would say, seal the deal already. However, the pressure to put on this amazing event for other people is still enough to make us hide us in a corner. Eloping has never been off the table.

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I'm certain I'm not the only one facing this dilemma, and Bell's and Kunis' comments are refreshing reminders that it can be simple and meaningful. As Bell shared about herself and Shepard, "We got married in a tiny room in the Beverly Hills courthouse. It was still one of the best days of my life."

Don't worry, Mom, I haven't eloped. But it's nice to know that simple, cheap weddings aren't beyond the rich and the famous and that there are still people who understand that the commitment is more important than the table settings.

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