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That woman is 31-year-old Lex Gillies, who has had a taste of social media celebrity this week after her husband, 28-year-old comedy writer Aaron Gillies, wrote a nine-point list of things that have reduced Lex to tears.
He shared "Reasons my wife is crying" on Twitter, where it's been retweeted 30,000 times, and on Imgur, where it's been viewed a staggering 3.8 million times.
Before you picture Lex crying at the usual stuff to tug on the old heartstrings, like the new John Lewis Christmas advert or an X Factor sob story, you should know that the first item on Aaron's list is: "She found out swans can be gay and thought it was really nice."
Another entry is: "She was hungover and saw a picture of a piglet."
The swans get another mention later on: "She remembered swans can be gay."
But it's not only animals that get Lex's waterworks going. She also cried when Aaron tried to hold her hand when she wasn't expecting it, and "because there were no biscuits in the house."
Check out the list in full. It's awesome.
What makes woman cry
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While some commenters have suggested Lex might be pregnant or mentally ill, Aaron has reassured them that she is "just a crier". Others have jumped at the chance to share their own bizarre crying moments, suggesting that Lex may not be the only one to cry at very small and often completely ridiculous* things.
Crying tweet 1
Crying tweet 2
Crying tweet 3
Crying tweet 4
For anyone worrying that Lex may be sobbing in a corner over all this media attention, rest assured — Aaron told the Huffington Post: "I did ask her before I posted it online, as I didn't want her to get any negative attention from it, as usually happens with the Internet. She doesn't care that she is an emotional person, and it ends up being brilliant for anecdotes!"
*This is, of course, completely subjective. I once cried because I couldn't find a pair of socks that matched. And when my cat dipped her paw into my bath water. And when I realised I was old enough to remember scrunchies the first time round.