For some people, there's nothing like a descriptively dirty word to get your motor running. For others, dirty language in between the sheets will have you blushing like a virgin bride on her wedding day. Awkwardness during sex is guaranteed when a dirty talker and pure-tongued partner meet.
It's gonna get weird.
Here's exactly what you might be thinking when you find yourself in this dirty little predicament:
1. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Image: giphy.com
On second thought, don't bring up his mother when he's kissing you with that mouth.
2. Should I say it back?
Image: giphy.com
"Um… You're a bad, bad boy who needs to be punished. Too much?"
3. Do I sound like a robot?
Image: giphy.com
If your dirty talk comes across even remotely like a sexy robot, he probably won't notice.
4. Do I sound like I'm giving driving directions?
Image: giphy.com
"Yes, put it there. To the left. No, your other left. It feels so good on the left. There you go."
5. Should I curse?
Image: giphy.com
If it feels good in the moment, why the f*ck not?
6. What if I laugh?
Image: giphy.com
This might happen. Just try to make it sound like a sexy giggle, and your secret is safe.
7. What should I call his penis?
Image: giphy.com
Almost nobody has this one figured out. Use the name, preferably non-clinical, that sounds most comfortable to you.
8. Should I comment on size?
Image: giphy.com
Yes, a thousand times yes.
9. Am I supposed to keep talking?
Image: giphy.com
Dirty talk in the bedroom should never turn into a three-act monologue. A few dirty sentences will do you just fine.
10. Did I do it right?
Image: giphy.com
The good news is that there's no wrong way to dirty talk. If you let a few bombs drop and had a good time, you did the dirty deed just right.
More on love and sex
Sweetest guy ever fills jar with 365 love notes for his girlfriend
12 Things you should never say to a bridezilla
8 Ways to get off without sex