But back here in the real world, we all know that sex can be complicated, messy and kind of ridiculous. If you don't embarrass yourself in the bedroom from time to time, then you're probably not doing it right.
Since we're among friends here, it's time to rip off the Band-Aid. Here are 10 gross sex mishaps that have almost certainly happened to you:
1. Blood
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It's entirely possible to bleed during rough vaginal or anal sex, or maybe your period came earlier than expected. Body fluids are a normal part of sex, so don't sweat some spotting.
2. Farts
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You'd better hope you moan loud enough to cover up the moment when you accidentally let one rip.
3. Gagging
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Gagging is a rarely mentioned part of oral sex, but boy, does it happen. In the common "eyes are bigger than your stomach" approach to fellatio, you may find yourself choking on a penis.
4. Lost tampon
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While fishing out a forgotten tampon isn't what many would consider foreplay, it happens to the best of us. Laugh it off — the show must go on.
5. Queefs
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Also called the lovely lady fart, vaginal farts are normal and nothing to be ashamed of. They're caused by air being pushed out of a small, wet space and probably mean you're having a great time.
6. Pee
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Yet another sexy time bodily fluid that no one wants to discuss. The truth is that urination during sex can happen in up to 24 percent of women and may be related to an irritable or weak bladder.
7. Purple labia
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A multicolored lady flower is just part of the fun in the bedroom, amirite? During arousal, it's not uncommon for the vagina and lips to swell and change color, from pink to red to even deep purple.
8. Poop
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Experienced lady Redditors agree that there are many times you may poop or at least think you have pooped during sex, "One time I THOUGHT I had s**t myself during sex, and I, like, tried to weasel my hand under myself to feel if I had, and it turned out I didn't. But in the moment, I wanted to die."
9. Skid marks
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In the sexy peeling off of the underpants portion of the evening, you may find more than you bargained for. This is why the horizontal polka is better performed in dim lighting.
10. Vomit
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Sad but true — this could happen to you during a frenzied hookup after a night of drinking. Keep a spare towel on hand, just in case.
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